it had been a long couple of nights and a rough morning. alaythia had just laid down for her morning nap. i sat down on the couch and said, 'oh isaiah, mommy's tired.'
'i'm not tired!' he said.
'i know, i'm tired' i said, 'i'm exhausted.'
he said with exuberance, 'he is exalted!!'
yeah, something like that.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
pirate peek-a-boo and a belly laugh
i have four words to start off this post: curse of the blogger.
on to other things.
alaythia grace is now 8 months old. some of her favorite things are.....
**she loves to play pirate peek-a-boo. she places one hand over one eye and waits for you to say it. it's a modified version, but a fun one.
**she thinks that her brother hangs the stars. it doesn't matter what she's doing, or who else is around, the second isaiah is near he has her full attention. that leads me to...
**her new laugh. a deep, long, go-'til-you're-out-of-air-and-your-face-turns-red laugh. isaiah, who has been especially hungry for attention of late, LOVES to make his sister laugh, and she's his captive audience. she laughs and claps, egging him on. it's a great combination for now. oh how i wish you could hear her belly laugh. it makes anything right.
**her favorite song seems to be 'joshua fought the battle of jericho.' she gets much more theological songs sung to her, but whenever this is sung, she especially perks up.
**moses. yes, it has passed to the next child. he comes in a close second to isaiah in terms of attention getters. when moses is present alaythia spends her time adoring him. letting him lick her face, lay on her lap...i'm not sure who enjoys it more, her or moses.
two thirds of a year has passed. hard to believe. needless to say she is a blessing and joy.
on to other things.
alaythia grace is now 8 months old. some of her favorite things are.....
**she loves to play pirate peek-a-boo. she places one hand over one eye and waits for you to say it. it's a modified version, but a fun one.
**she thinks that her brother hangs the stars. it doesn't matter what she's doing, or who else is around, the second isaiah is near he has her full attention. that leads me to...
**her new laugh. a deep, long, go-'til-you're-out-of-air-and-your-face-turns-red laugh. isaiah, who has been especially hungry for attention of late, LOVES to make his sister laugh, and she's his captive audience. she laughs and claps, egging him on. it's a great combination for now. oh how i wish you could hear her belly laugh. it makes anything right.
**her favorite song seems to be 'joshua fought the battle of jericho.' she gets much more theological songs sung to her, but whenever this is sung, she especially perks up.
**moses. yes, it has passed to the next child. he comes in a close second to isaiah in terms of attention getters. when moses is present alaythia spends her time adoring him. letting him lick her face, lay on her lap...i'm not sure who enjoys it more, her or moses.
two thirds of a year has passed. hard to believe. needless to say she is a blessing and joy.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
in this moment
motherhood is a strange thing. you would think it would be pretty straight forward, pretty standard since it is so common. yet, as i continue on in this endeavor, i'm constantly learning and changing. growing and stretching. realizing that it's a complicated thing.
i grew up hearing the praise of my mother. praise of her sacrifice, her care, her time. she stayed home with us all during our growing up years. i heard of the importance and i heard her choices honored time and time again. it never really occurred to me to be anything different than a stay at home mom. it's what i gave lip service to my entire life. to that goal, to that desire. at the time i would not have told you it was lip service. i would have said it was my greatest desire, it was the highest calling. but it wasn't until a few months ago that what i had given lip service to all my life, and what i was doing, penetrated my heart.
two kids rocked me. the transition, the time, the effort. it was consuming all my thoughts, all my time, energy and emotional reserves. the routine, the monotony, mind numbing at times. i began to resent the life i was leading. i wondered how i had gotten here, baffled at what my life was. how was i going to get out? how could i continue on in this?
i was talking with someone about my struggle. the simplest thing was said, something i had heard a million times before. but it came at a different angle, or i was in the right place to allow it to penetrate from what i knew in my head to what i believed in my heart.
'raising kids, giving your life to your kids, is the hardest thing you will ever have to do.'
giving my life to my kids. and that's what it is. it wasn't them taking it from me, i realized i wanted to give it to them. and it will take all my time, all my energy, all my emotions, my spiritual reserve - my whole life - to raise these kids. it's what my entire life should be about (apart from knowing God). i shouldn't have an abundance of time. that's what my life will be, what it is. being given to two other people. and at that moment i knew there was nothing more i wanted to do. to give my life for my kids. to sacrifice and expend all that i have to grow them to be worshippers of God. to help them achieve all that God intended. giving my life for others...what God has called us all to. and i was happy and ready to do it.
the idea is true. the truth resonates within me. but at the same time, how romantic.
the routine comes back. the daily grind. the discipline, the hurt, the exhaustion. and i forget that what i want is to give my life to my kids. i want some time to myself. i'm tired, i'm at my end. i want just a little quiet time. i forget that it's supposed to take all of what i have and then some. i get selfish, irritated, ticked quite frankly. it's a constant struggle to die to myself. and i don't do it well.
so yesterday i was described by someone as 'being the mother of two beautiful children'. instead of being overjoyed in that, i was offended. i thought to myself 'there's so much more to me. is that really all you think of me? there are so many other things that could define me. so many other accomplishments you could list about me. you really don't value all that i am. i don't want to be defined by that!'
i know......prideful. but if i'm honest, that's what i was thinking. i couldn't shake it. kept mulling it over and over today.
then it hit me. it was the highest compliment i could ever be paid. i give my life to those kids. they are what all my time and energy go into. what i give my life to. yes, there are other things i have done, other things i could do, but none more important than them.
suddenly 'being the mother of two beautiful children' was more than i could have asked for. and God has gently pulled me back to himself, back to reality. and for now my struggle seems easy, the road set before me once again clear. i'm thankful for the reality check, knowing i will fall into selfishness again. but in this moment motherhood doesn't seem so strange. it seems like the most natural, God given act that i can be in involved in. and i'm so grateful.
i grew up hearing the praise of my mother. praise of her sacrifice, her care, her time. she stayed home with us all during our growing up years. i heard of the importance and i heard her choices honored time and time again. it never really occurred to me to be anything different than a stay at home mom. it's what i gave lip service to my entire life. to that goal, to that desire. at the time i would not have told you it was lip service. i would have said it was my greatest desire, it was the highest calling. but it wasn't until a few months ago that what i had given lip service to all my life, and what i was doing, penetrated my heart.
two kids rocked me. the transition, the time, the effort. it was consuming all my thoughts, all my time, energy and emotional reserves. the routine, the monotony, mind numbing at times. i began to resent the life i was leading. i wondered how i had gotten here, baffled at what my life was. how was i going to get out? how could i continue on in this?
i was talking with someone about my struggle. the simplest thing was said, something i had heard a million times before. but it came at a different angle, or i was in the right place to allow it to penetrate from what i knew in my head to what i believed in my heart.
'raising kids, giving your life to your kids, is the hardest thing you will ever have to do.'
giving my life to my kids. and that's what it is. it wasn't them taking it from me, i realized i wanted to give it to them. and it will take all my time, all my energy, all my emotions, my spiritual reserve - my whole life - to raise these kids. it's what my entire life should be about (apart from knowing God). i shouldn't have an abundance of time. that's what my life will be, what it is. being given to two other people. and at that moment i knew there was nothing more i wanted to do. to give my life for my kids. to sacrifice and expend all that i have to grow them to be worshippers of God. to help them achieve all that God intended. giving my life for others...what God has called us all to. and i was happy and ready to do it.
the idea is true. the truth resonates within me. but at the same time, how romantic.
the routine comes back. the daily grind. the discipline, the hurt, the exhaustion. and i forget that what i want is to give my life to my kids. i want some time to myself. i'm tired, i'm at my end. i want just a little quiet time. i forget that it's supposed to take all of what i have and then some. i get selfish, irritated, ticked quite frankly. it's a constant struggle to die to myself. and i don't do it well.
so yesterday i was described by someone as 'being the mother of two beautiful children'. instead of being overjoyed in that, i was offended. i thought to myself 'there's so much more to me. is that really all you think of me? there are so many other things that could define me. so many other accomplishments you could list about me. you really don't value all that i am. i don't want to be defined by that!'
i know......prideful. but if i'm honest, that's what i was thinking. i couldn't shake it. kept mulling it over and over today.
then it hit me. it was the highest compliment i could ever be paid. i give my life to those kids. they are what all my time and energy go into. what i give my life to. yes, there are other things i have done, other things i could do, but none more important than them.
suddenly 'being the mother of two beautiful children' was more than i could have asked for. and God has gently pulled me back to himself, back to reality. and for now my struggle seems easy, the road set before me once again clear. i'm thankful for the reality check, knowing i will fall into selfishness again. but in this moment motherhood doesn't seem so strange. it seems like the most natural, God given act that i can be in involved in. and i'm so grateful.
true amazement
so this morning rosemary is sitting on the couch with isaiah and i'm sitting at the table feeding alaythia. rosemary says, 'so, i heard that isaiah can say his abc's backward.' i just look at her and shrug. 'yeah, your mom told me that yesterday morning she was playing with isaiah and he said the abc's backward.'
i hear what she saying, but think that i must have heard her wrong. 'are you talking about isaiah?' i ask. she says yes and then says again that my mom heard it the day before. i still wasn't computing what she was saying. i've never heard isaiah ever say them backward, i've never talked about saying them backward...i couldn't see how that could be isaiah since we've never even talked about it before. i'm his mother, i know just about everything he's exposed to and what he's learning. so for someone else to tell me what he can do and for me to not know about it....well, it's never happened to me before.
in one last final effort i say, 'are you talking about my son?' rosemary says yes and about that time isaiah walks up. rose asks him to say the abc's backward, and just about that time alaythia starts to whine. i could not hear what he said. rose looks at me with her mouth dropped. i'm assuming he did it. i calmed alaythia down and asked isaiah if he would say it for me. no chance.
i asked periodically through out the day if he would say it for me. he never did. i talked to my mom and yes, he had said them right and then went backward. she was apparently just as shocked to hear it. matt had to work all day, so i thought, maybe matt was teaching him and i just didn't know. i'd have to wait until later in the day to find out if it was him. in the mean time, all the adults in the house today were trying to say the alphabet backward. none of us could do it.
we're at dinner, all of us...evan & lyndsey (cousins), jake & rose, matt, my mom and me. jake asks, 'hey isaiah, can you say the alphabet backward?' 'yes.'
and off he goes.
we all sit there stunned. not only is he saying them backward, but he's singing the tones of the song backward as well. i'm not kidding.
when he's done. we all sit there silent and shocked. finally mom breaks the silence, 'isaiah you are such a smart boy!' we all agree. the praise dies down and then jake says, 'what does this mean?!' he's some kind of child prodigy! what does this mean?!'
the thing is, i'm shocked and i'm not usually shocked with isaiah. don't get me wrong, he does a lot of incredible things, but i can see them coming, or i have a hint that they're there. but this was different. completely out of the blue. not expected and totally other than me. he did it on his own. i was truly amazed.
as i'm understanding for the first time what other's have experienced with isaiah he says, 'yeah and i can say the greek alphabet backward too!' we all freeze. literally. wondering if he'll bust that out too. then he says, 'no i can't, i'd have to see them first.'
i hear what she saying, but think that i must have heard her wrong. 'are you talking about isaiah?' i ask. she says yes and then says again that my mom heard it the day before. i still wasn't computing what she was saying. i've never heard isaiah ever say them backward, i've never talked about saying them backward...i couldn't see how that could be isaiah since we've never even talked about it before. i'm his mother, i know just about everything he's exposed to and what he's learning. so for someone else to tell me what he can do and for me to not know about it....well, it's never happened to me before.
in one last final effort i say, 'are you talking about my son?' rosemary says yes and about that time isaiah walks up. rose asks him to say the abc's backward, and just about that time alaythia starts to whine. i could not hear what he said. rose looks at me with her mouth dropped. i'm assuming he did it. i calmed alaythia down and asked isaiah if he would say it for me. no chance.
i asked periodically through out the day if he would say it for me. he never did. i talked to my mom and yes, he had said them right and then went backward. she was apparently just as shocked to hear it. matt had to work all day, so i thought, maybe matt was teaching him and i just didn't know. i'd have to wait until later in the day to find out if it was him. in the mean time, all the adults in the house today were trying to say the alphabet backward. none of us could do it.
we're at dinner, all of us...evan & lyndsey (cousins), jake & rose, matt, my mom and me. jake asks, 'hey isaiah, can you say the alphabet backward?' 'yes.'
and off he goes.
we all sit there stunned. not only is he saying them backward, but he's singing the tones of the song backward as well. i'm not kidding.
when he's done. we all sit there silent and shocked. finally mom breaks the silence, 'isaiah you are such a smart boy!' we all agree. the praise dies down and then jake says, 'what does this mean?!' he's some kind of child prodigy! what does this mean?!'
the thing is, i'm shocked and i'm not usually shocked with isaiah. don't get me wrong, he does a lot of incredible things, but i can see them coming, or i have a hint that they're there. but this was different. completely out of the blue. not expected and totally other than me. he did it on his own. i was truly amazed.
as i'm understanding for the first time what other's have experienced with isaiah he says, 'yeah and i can say the greek alphabet backward too!' we all freeze. literally. wondering if he'll bust that out too. then he says, 'no i can't, i'd have to see them first.'
Thursday, October 25, 2007
changes
first off i'd like to give a shout out to sam and lisa for being my faithful commenters. there have been others of you that have ventured in every once in a while, but i always know they are reading my blog and for that i'm thankful.
it amazes me when i'm talking with someone and they say, 'i read your blog all the time.'
1 - i feel totally loved and appreciative that someone would choose to spend their time that way. time is precious, i know, and so it means a great deal to me.
2 - in reality, the only people i really know read my blog are sam and lisa, cause they leave a comment.
there is also some others of you that say you can't figure out how to login and or get an account. so in the spirit of me-wanting-to-know-you're-there, i've made some changes to allow commenting to be easier. please don't feel obligated, this is just a little way for me to make it maybe a little less intimidating....
when you click on the comment, you can then choose to login with an account, 'other' to put your name and website, or 'anonymous'. i would ask that for my sanity if you pick 'anonymous' that you not be so. please type your name in the comment area so i don't spend wakeless hours at night trying to figure out who you are. (and i realize, for some, that was an invitation).
remember, no obligation and thanks for reading -- comment or no comment.
it amazes me when i'm talking with someone and they say, 'i read your blog all the time.'
1 - i feel totally loved and appreciative that someone would choose to spend their time that way. time is precious, i know, and so it means a great deal to me.
2 - in reality, the only people i really know read my blog are sam and lisa, cause they leave a comment.
there is also some others of you that say you can't figure out how to login and or get an account. so in the spirit of me-wanting-to-know-you're-there, i've made some changes to allow commenting to be easier. please don't feel obligated, this is just a little way for me to make it maybe a little less intimidating....
when you click on the comment, you can then choose to login with an account, 'other' to put your name and website, or 'anonymous'. i would ask that for my sanity if you pick 'anonymous' that you not be so. please type your name in the comment area so i don't spend wakeless hours at night trying to figure out who you are. (and i realize, for some, that was an invitation).
remember, no obligation and thanks for reading -- comment or no comment.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Say What??! Wednesday
as i'm sure every child does, isaiah is currently learning it's not okay to pick your nose. i tell him, and tell him and tell him. it's not worthy of getting disciplined, but i try to stress how gross it is. anyway, one afternoon i looked up at him and saw him in the midst of the act. i gave him 'the look' to which he quickly responded with....... 'mommy, my nose is TELLING me to pick it!'
nice try dude.
nice try dude.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
an ancient calling to the new 25th
it's amazing, it seems to get earlier and earlier each year. christmas in the stores has arrived. about a month ago my mom and i were walking through costco, and they had christmas stuff out....playing music. everyone we were running into was talking about it, complaining under their breath. we were ticked at first. irritated to be hearing that in september. but i'll admit, as time went on, we kinda got in the mood. hear the music, see the stuff, they know what they're doing....'i must buy.' 'wouldn't it be nice to be done early with shopping this year' we think to ourselves. we barely get out without buying something.
later that day we were recounting the event to the guys (my dad and matt). my dad mentions that at church we are going to do advent conspiracy again.....i cringe. see, last year rick, our pastor, presented to us the notion that christmas is about more than consumerism. and he challenged us...spend less, give relationally, make a difference in the world. it was simple enough. choose to make your own gifts to give to others. or give them the gift of relationship (ie: invite them over for dinner, or give them a coupon to go do something together) and the money that we didn't spend would be gathered in an offering and then distributed locally and globally. after all, christmas is about Emmanuel, God with us, the ultimate relational gift.
so why the cringe? it was fine for me last year. matt and i didn't exchange gifts and we gave what we would have spent on each other in the offering. but when my dad brought it up this year i immediately thought of isaiah. the memories of christmas morning are some of the best. the anticipation, the gifts. and this will be his first christmas where he really gets it. so i said what i was thinking out loud. 'i'm not doing it this year.' they all stared at me. 'i just want isaiah to have the experience of christmas morning. it's not fair to him. i know it sounds bad to say, but i'm sorry, i just don't want to do it.' and that was the end of the conversation.
so a couple weeks later in church rick brings up advent conspiracy. last year there was 4 other churches that partnered with imago. together we brought in a half a million dollars. some of the things the money went toward was providing meals and supplies for kids in the portland school system. globally it was about building wells. giving people clean water to drink. this year there is over 1000 churches partnering together in advent conspiracy to make a difference in the world this christmas.
they then showed a video of just one of the wells that was built. people who live around a dump. they scavenge the dump everyday for things to eat and things to sell. it is their life. and the water they drink...well, you get the point. they took 9 families from the dump, took them out rurally and are teaching them how to farm, how to make and sell things. and we dug a well for them. the contrast of garbage and clean water. the look of hopelessness and the look of people thriving. the entire time my own words are echoing in my ears...'i just want isaiah to have the experience of christmas morning. it's not fair to him.'
it's not fair for my son not to get an enormous amount of toys? when these kids, isaiah's age, don't even have water? sick. really, really, sick.
needless to say, i'm all in this year. and i'm stoked. relational gifts...i've already started. cause let's face it, if you start 'making' your gift two days before christmas they're gonna suck. (in the words of my pastor). and isaiah will get presents this year, just not a disgusting amount....and he'll get to be a part of something great. he'll learn that christmas is more than presents and what he'll get. it's about putting Christ at the center. showing Christ tangibly to the world.
i used to get so irritated that all the stores now say 'happy holidays' instead of 'merry christmas'. it's about Christ. how dare they. until it was brought to my attention that it's not their story to tell. it's mine. and i want to do things differently.
p.s. if you want to join advent conspiracy or just find out more about it (put more eloquently than i ever will) you can check it out at www.adventconspiracy.com.
later that day we were recounting the event to the guys (my dad and matt). my dad mentions that at church we are going to do advent conspiracy again.....i cringe. see, last year rick, our pastor, presented to us the notion that christmas is about more than consumerism. and he challenged us...spend less, give relationally, make a difference in the world. it was simple enough. choose to make your own gifts to give to others. or give them the gift of relationship (ie: invite them over for dinner, or give them a coupon to go do something together) and the money that we didn't spend would be gathered in an offering and then distributed locally and globally. after all, christmas is about Emmanuel, God with us, the ultimate relational gift.
so why the cringe? it was fine for me last year. matt and i didn't exchange gifts and we gave what we would have spent on each other in the offering. but when my dad brought it up this year i immediately thought of isaiah. the memories of christmas morning are some of the best. the anticipation, the gifts. and this will be his first christmas where he really gets it. so i said what i was thinking out loud. 'i'm not doing it this year.' they all stared at me. 'i just want isaiah to have the experience of christmas morning. it's not fair to him. i know it sounds bad to say, but i'm sorry, i just don't want to do it.' and that was the end of the conversation.
so a couple weeks later in church rick brings up advent conspiracy. last year there was 4 other churches that partnered with imago. together we brought in a half a million dollars. some of the things the money went toward was providing meals and supplies for kids in the portland school system. globally it was about building wells. giving people clean water to drink. this year there is over 1000 churches partnering together in advent conspiracy to make a difference in the world this christmas.
they then showed a video of just one of the wells that was built. people who live around a dump. they scavenge the dump everyday for things to eat and things to sell. it is their life. and the water they drink...well, you get the point. they took 9 families from the dump, took them out rurally and are teaching them how to farm, how to make and sell things. and we dug a well for them. the contrast of garbage and clean water. the look of hopelessness and the look of people thriving. the entire time my own words are echoing in my ears...'i just want isaiah to have the experience of christmas morning. it's not fair to him.'
it's not fair for my son not to get an enormous amount of toys? when these kids, isaiah's age, don't even have water? sick. really, really, sick.
needless to say, i'm all in this year. and i'm stoked. relational gifts...i've already started. cause let's face it, if you start 'making' your gift two days before christmas they're gonna suck. (in the words of my pastor). and isaiah will get presents this year, just not a disgusting amount....and he'll get to be a part of something great. he'll learn that christmas is more than presents and what he'll get. it's about putting Christ at the center. showing Christ tangibly to the world.
i used to get so irritated that all the stores now say 'happy holidays' instead of 'merry christmas'. it's about Christ. how dare they. until it was brought to my attention that it's not their story to tell. it's mine. and i want to do things differently.
p.s. if you want to join advent conspiracy or just find out more about it (put more eloquently than i ever will) you can check it out at www.adventconspiracy.com.
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