glimpses of the man

he loves to be taller than me. he'll climb up on just about anything and ask, 'now mom? am i taller than you?'

i was pulling clothes out of the dryer and folding them, iTunes blaring in the background, when i heard him again ask the question. the piano bench is in the middle of the living room, the bathroom stool on top of that, him standing with a questioning smile. i think this time he's done it. i walk over to him with a smirk. 'yep, you're taller.' his face beams, his eyes twinkle. in his happiness he wraps his arms around my neck.

it's not a new position to hug him in, but i'm not lifting him. i'm not using any strength to feel him hug me while i stand. we start to sway to the music and soon he lifts his head off my shoulder, stands up straight and looks into my eyes. for a moment, as i look UP into his eyes, i see the man he'll be someday. i take the opportunity to put my head on his chest with his arms laying loosly around my shoulders.

we sway and the song talks about your cup overflowing. and my heart is full. i let tears come freely, he can't see my face and be alarmed by them. we sway with no words between us for the whole song. when it's done he pops his head up and gives me a kiss. i'm afraid my tears will alarm him. but no, my 4 year old is a little man right now. i don't know if he just didn't notice, or didn't comment on them. or maybe he felt they were appropriate, who knows with him.

there are days when the mundane, i feel, will drive me to insanity. days when i'm sure it's just not worth it. but it's moments like today i wouldn't trade for the world. for a million hours to myself, for a clean house, sleep...or sanity.