we're done

you know how you look to a certain moment in time for so long. everything is geared toward that moment. when the moment is over...what do you do?

everything went fantastically. alaythia was so brave and really was a trooper. they gave her the drugs before she left us and as promised, she was not herself, and when handed off to the stranger/doctor she didn't even really notice that it wasn't me. handing her over was hard for sure. but from the time i gave her up until the time i was holding her again was a total of 35 minutes.

our doctor came in to let us know that she only did the right eye because the left flushed on it's own. they did not have to shave cartilage on the right side, another blessing. when she was waking up she was pretty upset and so they asked me to come back. they gave a little bit of drugs through her IV and she calmed down and fell asleep on me for about the next hour. we went up to the post operation room where she continued to sleep. when we woke her up she drank quickly and they took the IV out and we were on our way.

she just had lunch and aside from a little bit of a bloody nose she seems like our normal alaythia.
we continue to pray that the surgery will take and her tear duct will stay open. we praise the Lord for his protection and comfort through it.

we made it to the surgery

we've been cleared for the surgery tomorrow. we've come to realize that her on again, off again runny nose is due to the TWO teeth that she's cutting. thanks to those who have been praying and keeping us in your thoughts. while we're thrilled we've made it to this day, the mama part of me is FREAKING OUT. (that's some drama queen for you grandpa).

the pre-op today went well. we have to be at the hospital at 6 a.m. tomorrow. she will be in the O.R. at 7:30 a.m. they will decide once they are in surgery if they will do both eyes or just the one. she goes under general anesthesia. they said they will drug her before they take her from us so that she will not remember leaving us. the best way they could describe how she would be acting is drunk. we will be able to see her once she has woken up and all her vitals have been checked.

the surgeon told us today that it will be harder on us than it will be on her...i'm very thankful to be taking the brunt, if that's really the case.

we would covet your prayers tomorrow as our sweet baby girl goes under.

we need this surgery

surgery for alaythia is scheduled for tuesday. we have been no where, seen no one. no church, pulled out of preschool, no shoes worn in the house and mopping several times a week (which is a lot for me!). it seemed to be paying off. she didn't have a runny nose for the first time in months.

today she started one. she has a pre-op appointment monday morning and will hopefully go in for surgery on tuesday morning at 7:30. but this runny nose!!!

please pray for her health. we need this surgery.

i love....

....that isaiah's new favorite band is U2. yes, he asks for them by name.
....that alaythia loves isaiah so much and copies everything he does. the most recent thing is playing the air drums in the car when a new song comes on. watching them both do it is priceless.
....that we know for sure that we'll be studying at southern and we'll be living in kentucky. (that just happened yesterday).
...space bags. yes, i've cleaned out the 15 boxes of isaiah's clothes and fit what's left into 3 large space bags. sucking the air out and watching them shrink makes me giddy. i want to put my life in space bags!!
....coffee and diet coke. they're not the best for me, but they keep a mama going. can i get an 'amen!'?
....that a friend gets some relief from a 'fight' that she's been fighting for a very long time. and i love that she had justice...finally.
....that matt has infused our family with music. so much so that the other night as matt was playing the piano and isaiah was playing his djembe, isaiah busted out with his very own worship song. 'you are my Lord and i trust you. you are the messiah and i trust you.' as i stared at him and matt played the piano to the tune he was singing, we both cried.

worth reading

some of my favorite posts just have to be shared....

adam on his triathlon this last weekend.
lisa on a segment that she saw on GMA today.

more to come and random thoughts from me. i've got lots rolling around in my head.

h.f. & m.m. godshall

i would like to introduce you to happy feet and mickey mouse godshall. they may look like stuffed animals to you, but i assure you, as in the velveteen rabbit, they are very real.

happy feet has been a very important part of our life for several years now. it started out as being one of the chosen stuffed animals ('family') that got to sleep in isaiah's bed. then it progressed to being one of the two animals that went everywhere with isaiah. and for a long time now, happy feet has been isaiah's alter ego. you can be assured that whatever you did or will do, happy feet will do it too. isaiah loves to tell you in great detail of happy feet's adventures. just today isaiah told me that happy feet went to texas yesterday to get me a present and then ceremoniously presented me with a guitar that's been around forever. matt and i have spent many hours looking for happy feet as it will be bedtime and he's no where to be found. his beak is half chewed off and he's extremely dirty... on rare occasions alaythia has found him alone, and knowing full well what she has in her hands, will hug him and treat him reverently. it wasn't until a few weeks ago that someone else took over her heart.

uncle jake and auntie rose went to disneyland and called isaiah to see what he wanted them to pick up. he was very detailed in telling them he wanted a mickey mouse doll. they held true to their promise and brought mickey back for him. but almost from the moment alaythia saw him, she loved him. the first night she held it, looking over every inch. she kissed it, she hugged it. and when it came time for bed, out of no where, she asked for it. it took a lot of convincing to get isaiah to let her sleep with it. i'm pretty sure that now, isaiah doesn't even remember that it was originally given to him. the first night she had him, when we went to check on her as we went to bed, we found her hugging him tightly even in her sleep. we left the room and said to each other, 'she's found her happy feet.' and she has. she asks for him by name, and sleeps with him every nap and bed time. you never know what it will be that will take your child's heart.

here are my two babies, right after their nap this afternoon, snuggling with their babies.

preparing for surgery

grandma brought home some hats that are worn in the operating room. we've all taken turns wearing them so alaythia is used to them by the time her surgery comes around. one afternoon they were playing doctor. alaythia was the doctor first, then isaiah was performing surgery on her eye...can you tell what we talk about around here?

annoying

so i've had to reinstate some of the rules in commenting...i've been getting spam comments! ridiculous! who has enough time to make up viruses to go seek out blogs and have it post crazy comments that lead you to download viruses? people who really need a life.

anyway.

i've changed the setting so you will have to type in a word verification. but at least it will stop the spam comments...and i hope it won't deter you that much.

sun, sun, give us the sun

attacking brother while he eats. nothing is safe anymore!

such a big girl...enjoying the sun.

eating is hard these days...always a fight. but the sun and quiznos makes it a lot easier.

unlike her mama when she was little, she loves the feel of grass and exploring it.

picture update

this is isaiah reading a berenstein bears book. well, he's not reading it, but he's reciting it word for word to alaythia and a friend. what you can't see is matt looking over his shoulder reading along in amazement as he did it. i was FREAKING out because i had no idea that he could do that...or that he had it memorized.

isaiah has decided that he wants to be like grandpa and pull the trailer. and sister is all to willing to ride. so they ride around the neighborhood, and believe it or not, he actually can pull her. when it starts to go uphill then i get behind and push a bit. but they are only both too happy to do it. isaiah's face below shows you what i was doing on the other side of the camera.

the sun came out and we all broke out our glasses. this was right before we went to the park to go play.

it continues

it's monday morning at 8:00 a.m. she still has a 'productive' cough and a runny nose. i called the doctor to cancel and am now waiting for a call from the scheduler to start over again.

we're all going stir crazy from trying to be quarantined. i say 'trying' because the past 2 days have been so beautiful, we had to go to the park...

someday...someday hopefully soon, this surgery will happen.

i can document my life in sara groves songs

if you've never heard her music, you really are missing out. she expresses things that i feel, but never could put words to. she has helped me through heartache, she has spurred me on to love God. her words, that drip with the truth of God, penetrate deep into my heart, revealing the truth of who i am and what i need.

this morning was no different.

she had a cd that came out in 2005, Station Wagon - songs for parents. like every cd of hers i immediately went out and bought it. but surprisingly, i remember not really liking it. i haven't listened to it since.

i feel like we've listened to every cd in our car 100 times...a couple days ago, in an act of desperation, longing for something new, i pulled this cd out and popped it in. it's been playing for several days now. you have to listen closely to sara. every line is full. if you don't know the songs, and have two loud little ones in the car....well, you can see how it might have taken me a few days to really hear the words of what she was saying.

as the reality of the move becomes more clear, i find my mind and heart wandering to isaiah. the transition will be huge, in many different ways. as huge as not living with his grandparents or as shallow as the furniture not looking the least bit familiar to him. (everything that is ours has been in storage.) my heart is burdened, hurting for him. he's young, kids are resilient i know. but a mother's heart...

this is the song that i heard sara sing this morning...and i cried tears of thankfulness for the truth of it, trusting all of who the Lord is. trusting him with isaiah and his heart - as i have experienced God in new ways through the trails and the waiting of the past few months.

'prayers for this child'

i do not know how i am to pray for this child
as a mother i don't want my baby denied
but in the waiting in the waiting
i learned

every instinct in me wants to shield him from pain
take the arrows of misery heartache and blame
but in the sorrow in the sorrow
i learned to hold on

i only have two eyes - be all seeing
i only have two hands - be everywhere
i do not know enough - be all knowing
i give this baby up into your care

i do not know how, how to pray for this child
i want to guard her from everything wicked and wild
but in the trial in the trial
i learned to hold on
and in the trial, in the trial
i learned to hold on to the heart of God

healthy by monday

you may have noticed, or maybe you haven't, that alaythia always looks teary. since she's been born she has had clogged tear ducts. i've learned it's very common. as baby's grow they often times just open on their own. they give kids until their 9 months old to do it naturally. well, alaythia's never did.

we have seen 2 different eye doctors. we have determined that she needs surgery. she will go completely under anesthesia and therefore needs to be completely healthy before the surgery. we have postponed this surgery once, due to illness. this new surgery is scheduled for tuesday, the 15th. and as if on cue, isaiah got sick, and then a couple days later i followed...and then alaythia.

all hope is not lost if she can rally and get better in the next few days. actually by her pre-op appointment on monday. but to be honest, it's not looking good. we really want the surgery to happen soon. the farther we get from her being a year, the harder the surgery is for her. plus, it's just plain irritating to constantly have fluid coming out of your eyes. even being the trooper that she is.

will you pray that she gets healthy before monday?

a decision to celebrate

once you reach adulthood it's pretty well known that birthdays just aren't that big of a deal. my 29th was shaping up to live up to that notion. that was, until my mother decided to celebrate me.

she unexpectedly got the day off...and she was ready to celebrate in style. she took the kids and i to a french bakery/restaurant in downtown portland. how i've lived here for over two years and never been there...i'll never understand. it was the real deal. jean peirre was our waiter, when we ordered a fancy smancy birthday cake the woman took our order in a french accent, then handed the cake to a french chef, decked out in the expected attire, to write me a birthday message. when he was done, he presented me this, work of art really, and wished me a happy birthday.

the sun was out, rare for our weather of late, so we made a stop at the park on our way home. when the kids went down for a nap mom sent me off with birthday money and a command to go shopping. but the celebration did not end with that day.

friday night she and matt planned a family dinner for me, where she spent most the day shopping and cooking. saturday morning was filled with women and a brunch...with no children. drinking coffee out of tea cups..taking our time.

she works tons of hours as an O.R. nurse, and really did all the work 29 years ago...but she chose to celebrate me...and i'm so thankful. 29 will go down as one of the best and most celebrated no doubt.

southern said yes!!

here we are showing the kids the letter from southern. isaiah had been asking and checking the mailbox with us every day. when they woke up from their nap we finally were able to show him the letter...they want daddy to come!!

then we had to check out where louisville is...grandpa even planned the route to drive to get us there.

easter morning

our tradition is to hide the easter baskets and then have the kids hunt for them in the morning. thanks go Papa and GG the kids had baskets that were overflowing!

our sweet baby girl in her easter outfit.

kisses from her big brother.

bike ride with grandpa

the kids first ride in the trailer being pulled by grandpa...well isaiah's done it before, but it was alaythia's first time.

grandpa was pretty happy to finally have a bike...and 2 grandkids to pull.

when the ride was over, alaythia wanted to go again.