what's wrong

i'm not sure what i'm doing wrong. i work so hard to try to keep my kids healthy. you could say i even obsess about it. and yet, it feels like we've been sick for 7 months straight. we'll have an occasional couple days when everyone is feeling well and people sleep through the night. but those times are very rare.

last week isaiah came down with a stomach bug. the next day it hit me. just yesterday i started to feel better. i thought we were out of the woods. then this morning alaythia started complaining that her stomach hurt. and sure enough... (sorry grandma and grandpa, i know you'll probably read this before i get a chance to tell you. i'm hopeful that, like isaiah, it will be an 18 hour thing and we'll be well and able to put this all behind us when you arrive tomorrow).

i'm weary of sickness. i want to sleep. it's been months since i've slept for more than 2 hours at a time. i want to be healthy and enjoy life, not try to survive through it. i'm desperate.

so with much trepidation i am opening it up to your opinion, to your advise. because obviously what i'm doing is not working.

Say What?! Wednesday

i was headed out for a girls night. daddy had ordered something special for him to eat while i was gone. so i gave the kids a myriad of choices for what they could have for dinner. the usual with some special options thrown in. they decided on quesadillas.

alaythia was gobbling hers up, which i'll be honest, is unusual. isaiah was having a harder time with it. matt and i were busy doing things around the house as they ate. and when we would walk back into the room we would say, 'isaiah, you need to eat!'

as i passed by and repeated my plea i heard him say under his breath, 'i shouldn't have ordered quesadillas. i should have ordered something else'

7 months

soph at 7 months.

enjoying a water bottle...a favorite toy.

first time down a slide...with brother too!

another water bottle...at the zoo.

playing in the tent together.

yummy food.

snuggling together in big sister's bed.

you'll have to excuse the shortness of the post and lack of say what wednesday...been in bed sick. ugh. but soph's little face makes any day brighter!

sophia's dedication

sophia was dedicated at church yesterday. although it was not the reason for the visit, it was so nice to have family in the audience. it helped me feel grounded... it was quick and different from either of the other dedications. but i was again reminded that i need Christ and his church to help me raise my children.

as i was thinking about sophia's dedication at sojourn, i started to get a bit funked out. we have dedicated our children in three different churches, in three different states. when you dedicate your child part of it is your commitment and declaration to try to raise your children to love God. knowing full well it will take help from God. but the other half of the dedication is the church body committing with you to help you, to be your helpers in the endeavor.

i started to feel like it was pointless to do the dedication. i mean, of all the places we have ever lived, louisville has the most definite time line.

but then i was struck with the reality that, the previous dedications have not been in vain at all of the different churches. i immediately thought of several families that are at whittier hills baptist church in southern california (where isaiah was dedicated) that still consistently speak in and are a part of our lives. then i thought of imago dei community (where alaythia was dedicated) and those that speak into our lives even 2300 miles away.

and i was encouraged.

there will be a handful from sojourn as well that will follow us. and i suddenly started to look at it different. instead of feeling fragmented and sorry for myself (and my kids), i started to realize that we have people all over the country, not just from these three churches. we have people from all different walks of life that are 'our' people. that are faithful to us, to pray for us, to pray for our kids.

and so, as i stood and looked at the crowd yesterday, full of faces that i didn't know, i thought of you. thought of those of you who, although you weren't there with us to witness it, stand with us daily and weekly in our pursuit of parenthood and teaching our children to be Christ followers.

details on surgery

thank you for your prayers. it was a good day, but a very stressful one.

the surgeries were running late so alaythia actually didn't get taken back into the operating room until close to 12:45. they gave her some 'happy juice' as they call it, versed - which is an amnesiac. as she was rolling away she called back happily, 'bye mommy!'

the surgery didn't take long. the doctor came out to tell us how it went just 3o minutes after she was taken from us. he said that her ears still had fluid on them. she has not been sick in weeks and this only served to confirm that she really does need tubes. he said that her adenoids were large and were probably contributing to her issues of not being able to drain the fluid. he was very hopeful that her health will look much different.

my biggest concern was for the anesthesia as the surgery was relatively routine. they said that they surgery should be about 30 minutes and recovery 30 minutes. as soon as she started to stir we were supposed to be able to be back with her. they said we would be away from her an hour total. well, after the doctor came out to talk with us, it was an hour and half later until they came back to get us.

that was the LONGEST hour and half of my life i'm certain. when we finally got back into the room, and before they wheeled her in, all of my pent up anxiety, fear and relief came spilling out.

they told us to expect her to be hysterical and inconsolable as she was waking up. she didn't cry much. she just sat on our laps and slept. she has not thrown up yet, and seems to be doing fine pain wise just on tylenol. it's really been a fantastic recovery so far. right now, she's curled up with grandma on the couch eating chocolate pudding and watching ice age.

thank you for your prayers. they were felt today.

surgery day

alaythia's surgery is schedule for 12:15 today. we will be at the hospital by 10:45. grandma arrived with a doctors outfit and medical kit for her bunny... they practiced what will happen to her today, and what the doctors and nurses will look like.

it was a hard day for me yesterday. wondering what will happen, worrying about what might happen. but i woke up today ready for the day. ready to get this behind us. and trusting the LORD with my daughter.

if you feel so inclined, we would covet your prayers. for the doctors, for alaythia, for us.

Say What?! Wednesday

matt was going to a play one night for the school he teaches at. he had invited both of the older kids to go with him. the only stipulation was that they had to finish their dinner in time to leave. as can be the case, there was more laughing and talking going on than eating.

i got up from the table and walked into the other room to change sophia's diaper. as i walked back i noticed it was silent so i asked, 'how's it goin' guys?'

alaythia, very seriously turned her face away from her plate to look at me. 'mom, we hatta focus!'


glossary:
hatta = have to

one exception

with alaythia's surgery coming on friday, we've been holed up in the house, trying to stay healthy so we can be sure that the surgery happens. we've been keeping ourselves busy lots of different ways.

but tonight we made an exception. we went out for alaythia's first dance class. we took pictures before we left of her in her outfit. daddy, who hates to have his picture taken, actually asked to get a picture with alaythia.


the class was 45 minutes long, ballet and tap. and for a girl who has a hard time keeping her attention on anything, she did a great job.

at one point, i passed matt (as i was circling the room taking pictures) and our eyes met... there was a look in matt's eyes that i've seen before. i have seen it in my parent's eyes when they would watch me or my brothers. that twinkle. i don't know if i can describe it. it's pure happiness. the look of - at that moment - your kid being the most wonderful thing in the world and you are so proud to be their parent, so happy to be watching them. it was pure joy.

provision and generosity

a couple weeks ago, after isaiah's basketball game, we were sitting in the gym hanging out. i was nursing sophia and matt was playing with the kids. across the gym there was a grandpa that was out on the court with his grandson. they were playing and laughing...hard. the mom yelled that it was time for them to go and the grandma then said, 'okay jack, we'll see you tonight!'

my heart hurt. i started to day dream about what it would be like to live near grandparents. what it would be like to have grandparents attend isaiah's basketball game, instead of getting video highlights the next day. or to spend a day as a family and then go over to a grandparent's house for dinner.

there's a rhythm to the missing of family. it's like after about 3 months you hit a wall. okay, it's long enough, this is hurting. the missing gets more intense.

but God is faithful...and so are the grandparents. even though we live so far away papa and gg and grandpa and grandma do a fantastic job of staying connected and making sure we see each other. the provision this last week was through papa's work. they sent him to check out some churches near us and so, even though it was a work trip, we got to spend time through out the week with papa.

and that also meant this week isaiah had a grandparent at his basketball game! they got to play at the park...in the sun...with papa. reading, wrestling and museums. i was overwhelmed with how God provides for me, for us.

we found out a couple days ago that alaythia is going to have surgery next week. she will have tubes put in her ears and have her adenoids removed. i have spent the last few days overwhelmed and scared, processing and trying to get perspective. this morning, i woke up to an airline confirmation in my inbox showing grandma arriving the day before the surgery takes place. i cried.

provision and generosity mark my life.

Say What?! Wednesday

i owe you two since i missed last week...

sunday morning we weren't feeling well and we didn't go to church. matt decided to take the older kids to a donut shop we had heard great things about. they had a really fun morning and when they arrived home, alaythia commented that it had been a good day and then said to matt in a whimsical voice, 'dad...i just want to pick my nose ALL DAY!'

later sunday afternoon we were gearing up for the laker/magic basketball game. isaiah was struggling with who to root for. i said the lakers of course! 'you were born there isaiah, they are in your blood.' he said confused, 'so they're not playing today?' 'what do you mean?' i said. 'well, you just said they are in my body.'