being schooled

i have been pretty overwhelmed since finding out that we're going to get the house. for several reasons. i'm overwhelmed in all i have to do in 17 days... but also all that we have been given by the LORD.

i would say that my over-arching struggle with being a follower of Christ, is believing that relationship with him is a gift. my actions, or my works do not change or alter my favor with Him at all. but, despite knowing that, i find that i want to be all put together before i approach Him. i want to feel like i've earned the grace and favor that is offered. that's why this house is schooling me.

through the process of looking and finding the house, i know that i didn't trust God like I should have. i struggled with anxiety instead of trust. i felt like i had to make it happen and stressed out about that. several times i was told that 'God is in the business of houses', i had friends speak truth saying that i needed to calm down and trust. but i didn't listen. and i knew i wasn't.

but God was faithful anyway. he chose to bless, and bless abundantly. taking care of us down to the smallest detail, blessing us more than we could have expected. and all of this despite my unfaithfulness and lack of trust. it fits who God is...and who i say i believe He is. but (as was shown through the process of the house) when the rubber meets the road, i have a hard time living it. when it comes time to trust, to really put into practice what i say i believe, i falter.

i've been praying it will sink in. i want to take the blessing and abundance shown by the LORD and remember that it had nothing to do with anything i did or didn't do. i want it to burn on my heart...i want to learn this lesson and be changed by it. to turn back in gratefulness and praise at who God is. always faithful, unchanging and true.