a new beginning

i've been on the hunt for houses for the past several weeks. it's been all consuming. and i do mean all-consuming.

craigslist has been up on my computer non-stop and the page refreshed every 15 minutes at least. my kids have spent countless hours in the car, driving, looking, eating fast food.

i wake up in the morning hopeful. it's a new day, new possibilities. and at the end of the day, after seeing house after house that just doesn't work - i am despairing.

it's a roller coaster. with each new listing there is hope. it could be the one. and as the time approaches my hopes only rise more. and then i come crashing down when it won't work.

i'm shocked i must say. at the filth. at what people are willing to live in. and i started to wonder if living in a house meant i was going to have to lower my standards significantly. desperation was beginning to push me to consider things...crazy things.

the burden, the time crunch..i wish i could say that i trusted God through it. i knew i wasn't trusting. fear, anxiety and the burden to 'get it done myself' consistently overtook me.

when a house popped up today i called immediately and made an appointment to come see it. as i considered putting the kids in the car yet again and driving all the way there...i thought how tired i was of seeing crap. of walking into houses and walking right back out. so i decided to call the landlord back and just ask him about it. 'is the house clean? is it updated? i have three small kids and if it's not clean, i really don't want to see it.' he sounded a bit irritated with me...but what did i have to lose?

but i knew. i knew the moment i walked in the door that i wanted the house....and so did 8 other families that saw the house today. but in the end - at the end of this day - the house was offered to us.

and i sit her tonight, unable to sleep. thankful for so much. for family and their support, for God who knows our every desire, for the community that we have where we live now... and for a new beginning.