we were heading out to run some errands. isaiah climbed in the van as i was strapping alaythia in. isaiah did what he wasn't supposed to do and climbed over the seat spilling water. i told him to get in his seat and that he was going to be punished for disobeying. well this threw him into hysterics. screaming, saying no. i told him there would be more consequences if he told me no again. as i walked to the other side of the van i could hear him screaming.
i walked over to him, told him what his consequence was and with huge alligator tears he said, 'show me mercy mama! i want mercy instead!' he continued to cry and look right into my eyes. i felt a huge lump rise in my throat. i wanted to bawl. i stared into his eyes intensely... again, 'show me mercy mama! please i want mercy instead!' he'd never asked for it before. i've given it to him in the past, explained it, but he's never asked. this was a first.
at that moment, as i was looking into my son's eyes and he was asking, begging, crying, there was nothing more in the world i wanted to do. i told him i would.
shocked and trying to swallow the lump in my throat i climbed into the front seat. i was overwhelmed with what had just happened. in that moment when he was crying, looking to me and begging for mercy i couldn't help but think of all the times i've asked for mercy and grace from God. while God always does give me mercy and grace, i think deep down i've always believed he's ticked he has to give it again. he's frustrated that i haven't learned by now. he's growing tired of me and my disobedience.
but when i looked at isaiah in that moment, him asking for mercy, my mind was not flooded with all the times he's climbed over the seat and how many times i've told him not to. i wasn't frustrated that again i was going to forgive him for what he had done. no, in the moment all i wanted to do was grant him mercy. my heart was aching, longing to do it. i couldn't wait to give it.
and how much more God. infinitely merciful, loving, forgiving and faithful. i don't think that isaiah understands fully what mercy is, but i think he understands more today than he did yesterday...me too.
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5 comments:
Speechless and teary.
Nat,
I'm constantly amazed at the lengths God will go to so that we understand and accept His love for us. He has consistently used your two pecious ones to do that for you. Thank you for sharing...we all benefit from this picture of
love.
Bev
wow. that was heavy and insightful.
I miss you!
and I'm thankful for God's mercy.
i have been in this same exact place a number of times parenting. Thank you for putting it in such clear words. you are a wonderful mom natalie. love. jaime
Hey there... Sam just forwarded this to me to read, and I am thankful she did. Thank you for sharing such a direct & poignant illustration of the Lord's mercy... He is indeed good (again and again...and again). Hope all is well with you.
-holly
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