thank you for your prayers and support of us in the last few days. i'm sure one day i'll look back at all these posts and be embarrassed at how emotional i've been. but for now, it seems fitting.
matt finished testing and interviewing by noon our time. i found myself at 11:40 vacuuming and crying. the weight of it all. when i got the call from matt and he debriefed how it went, i couldn't help but feel relief. to know that he did all he could do and now we wait.
he surprisingly was asked a lot of questions about his thesis...something he hasn't thought of in a while. but the Lord was faithful to bring back details when he needed them.
we will know the last week in march. it's time to think about something else anyway. for now we will await matthew's return. and hope that tonight, he sleeps.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
our world flipped upside down
are you ready for more? oh i hope so.
you don't have to be a rocket scientist to know that most of our efforts and thinking regarding PhD schools has been pointed toward wheaton. the reality is that matthew applied to 3 other schools. but you didn't hear me talk about them much because, in my flawed thinking, i felt like the others were shoe ins. i felt like they would be the schools that would be a walk in the park. shows you how little i really know about this world. oh how wrong i've been.
matthew met with a new testament professor this afternoon while at SBTS to get more information about the program. in the process he also found out that all the people that applied to SBTS did not get asked to come interview. some were turned away. there are 9 candidates currently there interviewing this weekend. and here's the kicker...they only have spots for 3.
looks like we're in the same situation here, that we were at wheaton.
i'm sure you can speculate on how the past few days....um, weeks have been for us...for matthew. in a conversation that i had with him a few hours ago, we both said that we feel our world has been flipped upside down.
i want to be honest. i'm tired. emotionally, physically, spiritually. i'm calling for reinforcements.
i'm sure one day we'll look back on this time and marvel. the sickness, the birthdays, the travel, the interviews, the waiting. i've been told we're only getting stronger. i hope that's true.
you don't have to be a rocket scientist to know that most of our efforts and thinking regarding PhD schools has been pointed toward wheaton. the reality is that matthew applied to 3 other schools. but you didn't hear me talk about them much because, in my flawed thinking, i felt like the others were shoe ins. i felt like they would be the schools that would be a walk in the park. shows you how little i really know about this world. oh how wrong i've been.
matthew met with a new testament professor this afternoon while at SBTS to get more information about the program. in the process he also found out that all the people that applied to SBTS did not get asked to come interview. some were turned away. there are 9 candidates currently there interviewing this weekend. and here's the kicker...they only have spots for 3.
looks like we're in the same situation here, that we were at wheaton.
i'm sure you can speculate on how the past few days....um, weeks have been for us...for matthew. in a conversation that i had with him a few hours ago, we both said that we feel our world has been flipped upside down.
i want to be honest. i'm tired. emotionally, physically, spiritually. i'm calling for reinforcements.
i'm sure one day we'll look back on this time and marvel. the sickness, the birthdays, the travel, the interviews, the waiting. i've been told we're only getting stronger. i hope that's true.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
i only wrote one speach
i didn't follow in the steps of the presidential hopefuls and write an acceptance and denial post. i only wrote the acceptance post (in my head). so i'm at a loss for words as i attempt to tell you that we won't be going to wheaton.
while we trust the Lord in knowing what is best for us, i believe it is okay to be sad. the end of a long dream. he is the God of emotion, he created it, he created me...so i will gladly give him my sorrow today.
while we trust the Lord in knowing what is best for us, i believe it is okay to be sad. the end of a long dream. he is the God of emotion, he created it, he created me...so i will gladly give him my sorrow today.
i didn't think he would go
matt-i didn't think he would go, but this morning he leaves for kentucky. we have not heard from wheaton a yes or a no. he'll go and do the interview process all over again. less relational, more testing. it's been an emotional week. every second thinking that we could hear. and every day that goes by not hearing. southern here we come.
moses-our big black dog. i didn't think he would go. he went for a run yesterday, and he never came home. we drove, rolled down the windows and called for him. alaythia too. her little voice copying mama and saying, 'baa baa' (her name for moses). the house is emptier. our hearts are heavy with part of the family gone.
moses-our big black dog. i didn't think he would go. he went for a run yesterday, and he never came home. we drove, rolled down the windows and called for him. alaythia too. her little voice copying mama and saying, 'baa baa' (her name for moses). the house is emptier. our hearts are heavy with part of the family gone.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Happy 1st Birthday Alaythia
i remember hearing your voice for the first time. all my anxiety and worry went instantly away. i got to hold you just minutes after you were born. you were so alert. all i could say was, 'i love you, i love you so much' over and over.
you defied the odds...being a girl and all. godshall's and hendrix' don't come by girls easily. 
still to this day i find myself so shocked that i have a daughter. i love it. you want to snuggle, you love to talk. you have the best little sense of humor. i loved the other night when you crawled up the stairs and sat on the landing. i felt like you wanted to get away so we could have a mother, daughter talk. i imagined a few years ahead when we will be doing the same thing.
still to this day i find myself so shocked that i have a daughter. i love it. you want to snuggle, you love to talk. you have the best little sense of humor. i loved the other night when you crawled up the stairs and sat on the landing. i felt like you wanted to get away so we could have a mother, daughter talk. i imagined a few years ahead when we will be doing the same thing. 
you are our sweet pea. and today we look back on a year of life that has gone by so fast. you are our precious girl. we love you so much!
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Happy 3rd Birthday Isaiah
never in my wildest dreams could i have imagined having a son like you. you are smart, funny, witty, loving, relational and all boy. all at 3 years old.
i love to look into your dark brown eyes. i love to tickle your back and sing to you. i love kisses and hugs, laughs and tears.
i love to spend my days with you. exploring life, watching the world open up before your eyes. i love your insight into life and your simplicity that brings me back to reality.
i have only known you for 3 years yet i can't imagine my life without you. you have changed me. as soon as i knew you were there you pushed me to trust the Lord. you do that still today.
i am a better person because of you. you are my son. i love you.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
have you ever...
...had to cancel your child's birthday party because they were sick?
i canceled two today.
if it was just a cold, i might have swung it.
if it was sure to be gone in a relatively short amount of time, i might have moved forward.
if it was curable with antibiotics, there would have been no doubt in my mind.
but RSV is long lasting, contagious for 2 weeks, and a doosey to deal with. so i did it. i canceled both birthday parties that were scheduled for this weekend...
i tried to throw a christmas get together with a bunch of isaiah's friends and had to cancel that too due to illness. maybe i'm cursed. but here's to parties on another weekend...but maybe not the same weekend. that was crazy, even for me.
i canceled two today.
if it was just a cold, i might have swung it.
if it was sure to be gone in a relatively short amount of time, i might have moved forward.
if it was curable with antibiotics, there would have been no doubt in my mind.
but RSV is long lasting, contagious for 2 weeks, and a doosey to deal with. so i did it. i canceled both birthday parties that were scheduled for this weekend...
i tried to throw a christmas get together with a bunch of isaiah's friends and had to cancel that too due to illness. maybe i'm cursed. but here's to parties on another weekend...but maybe not the same weekend. that was crazy, even for me.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
on the other side
here we are. on the other side of the interview. i never thought this moment would come. and i didn't even do it. matt did. when matt called as he was walking out he said, 'there's nothing more i could have done. it could not have gone better' a good place to be -- to know you left it all out there, to be at peace with how it happened.
there was 3 men in the room, one being the man that matt would be mentored by. they asked him why he wanted to get a PhD, asked him about ministry experience, and why he wanted to come to wheaton. the rest of the time was spent talking about mat's proposed topic of his dissertation. his worst nightmares DID NOT come true...he wasn't asked a question he didn't know the answer to. and contrary to what he said a few days ago, it was not the most humiliating experience of his life. i think quite the opposite.
he told them that he interviewed at southern next week and had also applied to trinity. they asked where wheaton was in priority and he said they were #1...which they commented they were glad to hear. (can you tell i'm trying to cling to any glimmer of hope?) they also joked about how long his Thesis was (180 pages). at least they know he has it in him.
the amazing thing is....we will know the answer NEXT WEEK. i can see the light at the end of the tunnel!
matt did comment that he could feel the prayers. knowing that there were so many praying for him at that moment. that in and of itself was a unique moment. thanks for walking it with us...we're almost there!
now on to throwing 2 birthday parties this weekend...ahh it never stops!
there was 3 men in the room, one being the man that matt would be mentored by. they asked him why he wanted to get a PhD, asked him about ministry experience, and why he wanted to come to wheaton. the rest of the time was spent talking about mat's proposed topic of his dissertation. his worst nightmares DID NOT come true...he wasn't asked a question he didn't know the answer to. and contrary to what he said a few days ago, it was not the most humiliating experience of his life. i think quite the opposite.
he told them that he interviewed at southern next week and had also applied to trinity. they asked where wheaton was in priority and he said they were #1...which they commented they were glad to hear. (can you tell i'm trying to cling to any glimmer of hope?) they also joked about how long his Thesis was (180 pages). at least they know he has it in him.
the amazing thing is....we will know the answer NEXT WEEK. i can see the light at the end of the tunnel!
matt did comment that he could feel the prayers. knowing that there were so many praying for him at that moment. that in and of itself was a unique moment. thanks for walking it with us...we're almost there!
now on to throwing 2 birthday parties this weekend...ahh it never stops!
Monday, February 18, 2008
my journey to wheaton
how can that be? well, i'm still in vancouver, with my kids. but my heart is in wheaton. i was so focused on what matt was going to be doing while he was there, i forgot that he'll be gone from me. i miss him. laura and caleb came to hang out with us. it's been so great to be together.
it's been a journey for me to figure out how i fit into this experience. i want control, i want to make sure things are done my own way, the way i think is best. but with this, it's been different. from the beginning it's been a long shot, and we've known that it would be God and only God getting us there. 1 spot...out of all the people that want it? so it's almost forced me trust. to butt out of it and let matt be matt and not meddle. to trust God that he knows best and will get us where he wants us to be.
and yet, last night laura, jake, rose, mom and i sat around the living room talking about matt. trying yet again to figure out the outcome. and yet again to no avail. an exercise in patience and trust for sure.
matt called this morning after his first appointment. i was still in bed, as he's 2 hours ahead. he sounded good. he didn't sleep much last night, but he sounded energized. i am reminded that he's in his element. talking that talk, being free to run with thoughts with other's who understand. he was still in that mode when he called this morning and forgot that i can't follow. but i enjoyed listening anyway.
yes, my body may be in vancouver but my heart is in wheaton...
it's been a journey for me to figure out how i fit into this experience. i want control, i want to make sure things are done my own way, the way i think is best. but with this, it's been different. from the beginning it's been a long shot, and we've known that it would be God and only God getting us there. 1 spot...out of all the people that want it? so it's almost forced me trust. to butt out of it and let matt be matt and not meddle. to trust God that he knows best and will get us where he wants us to be.
and yet, last night laura, jake, rose, mom and i sat around the living room talking about matt. trying yet again to figure out the outcome. and yet again to no avail. an exercise in patience and trust for sure.
matt called this morning after his first appointment. i was still in bed, as he's 2 hours ahead. he sounded good. he didn't sleep much last night, but he sounded energized. i am reminded that he's in his element. talking that talk, being free to run with thoughts with other's who understand. he was still in that mode when he called this morning and forgot that i can't follow. but i enjoyed listening anyway.
yes, my body may be in vancouver but my heart is in wheaton...
Sunday, February 17, 2008
wheaton, there he goes
we dropped matt off at the airport this morning. it's crazy that we're moving out of the theoretical and into reality. seems every step of the way is like this.
he arrives in chicago tonight and will spend the night with the nicodem's (adam's wife's family). he meets with his 'mentor' tomorrow morning for coffee. 6:45 a.m. our time, 8:45 their time. he'll attend a dinner with prospective and current PhD students in the evening. his actual interview, with his mentor and PhD committee is at 2:00 chicago time, noon, our time. they say it will last about 45 minutes.
please pray that they get an accurate picture of who matt is.
he arrives in chicago tonight and will spend the night with the nicodem's (adam's wife's family). he meets with his 'mentor' tomorrow morning for coffee. 6:45 a.m. our time, 8:45 their time. he'll attend a dinner with prospective and current PhD students in the evening. his actual interview, with his mentor and PhD committee is at 2:00 chicago time, noon, our time. they say it will last about 45 minutes.
please pray that they get an accurate picture of who matt is.
Monday, February 11, 2008
goodbye swimmer girl
my dear sweet little girl has been crawling for some time. and while it's fun to have her mobile, she hasn't crawled on her hands and knees. no, she crawls on her belly. she uses one big toe to propell her self forward while she drags her belly and swims with her arms. while this is extremely cute, it's extremely gross as well.
love him we must, but living with a big black dog...well our floors are not the cleanest. alaythia has to be changed before she goes to sleep because her clothes are filled with dog air and dirt. yes i do clean, but still...
well, goodbye swimmer girl, today she started crawling on her knees. when i saw it i freaked out which in turn freaked her out and she immediately dropped to her belly. so the next time i saw it, i stood behind her waving my arms and screaming silently.
we're on our way, on our way to being off the floor completely. which frankly, i can't wait for!
love him we must, but living with a big black dog...well our floors are not the cleanest. alaythia has to be changed before she goes to sleep because her clothes are filled with dog air and dirt. yes i do clean, but still...
well, goodbye swimmer girl, today she started crawling on her knees. when i saw it i freaked out which in turn freaked her out and she immediately dropped to her belly. so the next time i saw it, i stood behind her waving my arms and screaming silently.
we're on our way, on our way to being off the floor completely. which frankly, i can't wait for!
in the surprised corner
you know that you pass things on to your children. we've all heard it over and over again. the story of the parent's realization that they were the one's to pass that annoying trait to their child. like it's some surprise or something.
well here i am in the surprised corner. as isaiah is about to turn 3 i am amazed at how much he is like his father. isaiah has picked up so much from him. good and bad. and while i've always rolled my eyes at the surprised parent, here i am one of them.
alaythia does this machine gun laugh. she laughs loud and hard until her breath is out. i think i've posted about it before. the other day my cousin walks in the room while alaythia is doing it and said, 'she has your laugh.' there i was again, shocked. really? that's what my laugh sounds like. while it's cute coming out of an almost 1 year old...
as i was trying to give birth to isaiah and NOTHING was going according to our plan, matt and i said we would never again be judgemental toward people's parenting. 3 years later i'm once again reminded and newly resolved to do just that.
well here i am in the surprised corner. as isaiah is about to turn 3 i am amazed at how much he is like his father. isaiah has picked up so much from him. good and bad. and while i've always rolled my eyes at the surprised parent, here i am one of them.
alaythia does this machine gun laugh. she laughs loud and hard until her breath is out. i think i've posted about it before. the other day my cousin walks in the room while alaythia is doing it and said, 'she has your laugh.' there i was again, shocked. really? that's what my laugh sounds like. while it's cute coming out of an almost 1 year old...
as i was trying to give birth to isaiah and NOTHING was going according to our plan, matt and i said we would never again be judgemental toward people's parenting. 3 years later i'm once again reminded and newly resolved to do just that.
Friday, February 8, 2008
blazer game
the boys before they left
the dude in all his glory
they were behind the whole game. isaiah was tired in the 3rd quarter
so they left for home. the next day matt heard they came back from
a 15 point deficit to win the game....oh well, it was the experience right??
the love of...
i love having a boy. and i love having a girl. their love is so different, they are so different.
isaiah has always been tough. when he's hurt, he'll cry, but wants no comfort. acknowledgment yes, fuss no.
alaythia is tough also. but she'll take your comfort, your kisses, your sympathy.
isaiah will take over the world. what can he conquor, what can he take in.
alaythia will take over hearts. when she interacts with something that brings her joy she looks to make sure that you're enjoying it too.
isaiah wants to go home and play video games with daddy.
alaythia and i stand in the background kissing and laughing.
the love of a boy. the love of a girl. God is good to me.
isaiah has always been tough. when he's hurt, he'll cry, but wants no comfort. acknowledgment yes, fuss no.
alaythia is tough also. but she'll take your comfort, your kisses, your sympathy.
isaiah will take over the world. what can he conquor, what can he take in.
alaythia will take over hearts. when she interacts with something that brings her joy she looks to make sure that you're enjoying it too.
isaiah wants to go home and play video games with daddy.
alaythia and i stand in the background kissing and laughing.
the love of a boy. the love of a girl. God is good to me.
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