isaiah martin's first day of kindergarten

he went to bed crying happy tears, or so he said. his backpack and lunch box were on the table ready for their last minute items. this morning when we woke him up he was ready. eating his breakfast, brushing his teeth, getting dressed. and when i asked to take his picture this is what i got. looks like he's ready to take on the world huh?


what i had not anticipated at all was alaythia. he went in to wake her up. he was already dressed and he was wearing his backpack around the house. she sat up, wrapped her arms around him and started to bawl. through her sobs and tears she was saying, 'i'm going to miss you so much isaiah!' she did that for the first half hour she was up. sweet alaythia. it was a big day for her too. her best friend was off for a new adventure and she was left at home. another post will have to be about the girl that alaythia is when her big brother isn't around. i am confident this is going to be fantastic for her!

we all drove together letting daddy off early to get to his classroom to welcome his students. when the time came, isaiah walked right into his classroom, found his desk, put his backpack on the back of his chair and started in.

i stood at the door snapping pictures. smiling and waving. he attacked the coloring sheet like it was something to conquer. yes, that's my boy.

all of the sudden daddy appeared behind me. his first class was meeting across the hall from isaiah, so he got to come out and see before the day began. even though i knew they would not see each other, i think it helped tremendously to know he was just across the hall.

the girls and i headed out and strangely, i didn't cry. i had a mom's meeting about class responsibilities i had to hustle off to. we talked logistics. it wasn't until i got home, got the girls settled down...that the tears came.

alaythia and i soothed our pain with a tea party and painting our nails. i even opted for the same sparkles on my toes in a show of solidarity.

we got to go early to pick him up and see his classroom. he was so happy to show us around.

this is friend izek.

this is isaiah's teacher, mrs. bundy.
we were very pleased to find out that she graduated a few years ago from BIOLA!

it was a great day. a new beginning. i'm grateful.

emotional outbursts

it's understandable. i have every reason. but it pops out at the most unexpected times. i'll burst into tears over uneven hole punches or a mailed package that wasn't done the most efficiently. it's just bubbling at the surface, waiting for something to cause a little crack and then some comes gushing out - uncontrollably gushing out. my poor husband.

it's isaiah starting kindergarten tomorrow. being gone, in his little uniform with his backpack and lunch box. i'll get to walk him into class...and then say goodbye.

it's that i have to teach isaiah kindergarten on wednesday. i can't even imagine how in my already full day i'll ever feel like, 'okay, it's time to do school.'

it's that i don't have a baby in the house anymore. she turned one. and i wasn't ready. i'm no longer in the child bearing years, i'm not even in the baby years anymore. my life is changing. i'm getting older.

it's that i'm weaning sophia. weaning is always hard, regardless of how ready you both are. and she's my last. which makes it harder. but she seems okay, and i am too most times. but at night, in the quiet, when i have time to think...

it's that i said goodbye to one of my best friends last week. she single-handedly made louisville home. and as she and her family spent their last night in louisville spread out on aerobeds in my house, i was acutely reminded of how much she will be missed. as i waved goodbye at 6am the next morning, talking normally about lack of sleep and children, it didn't seem real that she was moving away. but it does now. i miss her. and i still haven't had time to have a good cry about it.

it's that my life has been marked with moving, making great friendships and then saying goodbye. and i'm tired of it.

it's the prospect of what the fall holds. what needs to be accomplished in these next few weeks.

and so, it comes. emotional outbursts about random dumb things. because there is so much else going on inside. as the dishes get done, and the laundry gets put away. as i hem pants and iron shirts -- and try to process my life.

one year

one year ago today, about this time, sophia was making her entrance into this world. the beautiful, screaming, perfect bundle of love. i remember the overwhelming sense of peace that washed over me as i held her skin to skin wrapped in warm blankets. i was overwhelmed with gratitude and thankfulness to God for her. for bringing her to us safely, for her perfect face and dark hair.


the next few months proved to be the toughest of my life so far. i remember posting on her 2 month update 'sophia, you have changed our world.' i remember being so tired, so sick, so weary, unable to function. i wasn't filled with joy, the only true thing i could think to say was, 'you have changed our world.'


but then a few weeks later, she got help for the pain she was in and the amount of frustration we felt turned in equal amounts to joy. and since, she has been a pure joy. i mean it with all sincerity that i wish each of you could spend just an hour with her. you would be taken with her sweet spirit, her smiles and easy going personality.


i'm not ready for her to be done being a baby. i want her to say small enough to be in my arms for a while longer. it's fitting that i mourn her babyhood. that i long for her to stay the way she is. but i'm also eagerly anticipating getting to know her more. just like i'm not exactly like either of my brothers, i believe she will not be exactly like isaiah or alaythia (and man are they different). as each day unfolds and as she gets older, my anticipation grows.


she has no desire to stay small, in fact, when she does a 'big kid thing' her face lights up the brightest. i know she longs to be running and romping with them. all in good time sophia, please for your mommy's sake, don't rush it.


we had her birthday party over the weekend. small...but we skyped the family in. it was a sight to see. her in her high chair with two laptops in front of her. papa and gg had decorated the house and themselves for the occasion. my siblings, parents, aunt, uncle and cousins all gathered together to join in. she had 'happy birthday' sung to her from 3 different states at one time. if they all couldn't be with us, that was the next best thing.


tonight when daddy gets home we'll all ride our bikes, and sophia will ride in her new bike trailer she got for her birthday, to the ice cream shop to celebrate our girl. our soaf-a-loaf, our honey-tickles, our sweet baby girl.

doing shows

when i was little i loved putting on shows. i was the boss, i was in charge. it didn't matter who was around, i would convince you it was the right thing to do - and we would spend a lot of time working on a 'show' to present to the parents. most often than not, my little brothers were the ones that i choreographed.

as an example, when my dad graduated from college, we threw a huge party and what did i want to do for it? a show...for the entire party. i would not be denied. i lip synced to charity church mouse singing 'o happy day' -- with my brothers and a neighbor boy as back up dancers. (wouldn't you love to see that video now!)

i think it's safe to say i spent the majority of my childhood 'doing shows'.

today we spent the day at home and at one point started a dance party. alaythia picked up a wii remote as a microphone and started lip syncing to the song. i thought it would be fun to show the grandparents so i went into the other room to get the camera.

by the time i came back i had it all planned out. alaythia would be in the front as the singer, i would put isaiah on the couch behind her, raised up...a back up dancer. i moved the flowers so i could get a great angle. i told them to hold still until i had the music going. we had to do several takes because of their talking and goofing off.

and then it hit me.

i'm 31 years old and it's different people i'm choreographing, but the reality is, i'm still doing shows for my mommy and daddy.

it's not a mess...

it's imagination at its height.

my life as a wii game

we're really into wii around here. there are so many fun and diverse games to play. flying through the air while flapping your arms, sword fighting, archery, frisbee golf. most of the games are testing your balance, your sense of concentration and coordination.

but it hit me today. i live in my own wii game. it's a constant test of my emotional balance, my sense of concentration and my coordination.

take for instance today in the grocery store.

-3 kids
-2 walking on their own.
-you have to push the cart, hold your list, entertain the baby.
-oop! the baby dropped their toy - you must pick it up.
-keep your eye on the 2 walking kids. keeping them off the floor and be careful not to run into their heels.
-oop! you hit a heel. major points deducted!
-remember the point is to get food off the shelf and and into your cart. remember to get your whole list you don't want to come back tomorrow.
-oop! husband calling on the cell. pick up cell, coordinate pick up times, push the cart, entertain the baby, keep older 2 from pulling things off the shelf.
-hurry, time is running out. you only have so much time between naps. baby hasn't eaten lunch yet and missed morning nap. your window of opportunity is quickly diminishing.
-keep older two within eye sight, even while checking out. this tends to be the hardest point of the game, toys and candy tempting them everywhere they look. keep them under control and your emotions under control as all the checkers watch how you do out of the corner of their eye.
-hurry out to the car in the 96 degree heat. make sure you do things in the proper order.
-open van door, tell older two to get in. walk around to other side, start a/c. get baby out of cart, strap baby, strap toddler. unload groceries quickly...they are melting. put cart away.
-PHEW! you made it.

score:
emotional balance - good: i kept kids occupied and didn't lose my cool.
sense of concentration - unmeasurable: not sure if i remembered my whole list or not yet.
coordination - average: hitting the heel with cart really deducted points and cost a lot of time, BUT the baby was entertained and happy for the majority of the trip.

first fruits

well, the godshall garden has finally produced some food! i never thought i would ever be growing anything. but isaiah really wanted to plant a vegetable garden and so we went for it. we started really late in the season. when we went to buy seeds we had to dig through the boxes of seeds that were being put away for the season. but we got them in the ground none the less. we've each taken turns watering, and we have rejoiced with each new sign of progress. so imagine our amazement today when we harvested this:


little did i know you really can't go wrong in kentucky. it's like a natural green house. the humidity, the sun, the torrential down pours every couple of days. i really can't take credit. it's kind of addicting though. i'm already planning in my head where i can put more beds for next year.

for now, we'll enjoy our cucumbers and tomatoes...

faces

some help

i have hesitated sharing this information because i fear you'll think i'm super organized and really on top of things. you know that's not true. you know that i'm white knuckling things, fighting hard to figure it out.

but at the same time, that's why i've wanted to share it. because it's helped me tremendously.

as a mother of young children i feel like i'm constantly fighting the battle of balancing my duties in running a house and spending time with my kids. inevitably i will favor one over the other in a day. at the end of the day when i'm thinking back over the events, i feel guilty. regardless of which way i favored.

a friend had told me about a program she uses and it sounded wonderful, i got all the material and NEVER pulled it out. but as i was falling more and more behind, getting more and overwhelmed, in desperation, i decided one day to give it a try. and i have not looked back since.

how it works. there are 'chores' you do everyday. things you would do normally. laundry, wiping off the kitchen counters, doing dishes. then there is a list of things to do that are just for that day - on a rotation. things like moping and cleaning the toilets.

here's how it's helped me specifically.

MENTAL SPACE: before i would wake up, take inventory of the house (ie: see all that needed to be done) and then work like a mad woman to get it done. it would never all get done and no matter how hard i worked i would still never really feel like i could relax or be satisfied at the end of the day. i would look around and see all that still needed to be done. now, i wake up, look at my very manageable list. and do JUST what's on there. the living room might be dusty, but that's not on my list today, it might be tomorrow, but i don't have to worry about it today. when my list is done, i can relax.

GUILT FREE PLAY: the kids come and ask me to play a game and with no guilt i do it. i no longer need to balance time between housework and kids...there is time for both.

MY HOUSE IS CLEANER & MY LIFE MORE ORGANIZED THEN IT'S EVER BEEN: some examples. it's amazing how things will pop up on there that i have thought about doing, but never in my wildest dreams thought i would ever have time for. like cleaning the blinds above my kitchen sink. they were filthy...gross...and yesterday it was on my list to clean them! or clip the kids nails. sounds stupid, but after isaiah went to a friend's house and asked his friends mother to clip his toenails because they were bothering him...oh i was MORTIFIED. that will never happen again because it popped up on my list two days ago. on my list today...clean out my car. perfect cause there's a nasty smell coming out of it! maybe the biggest plus for me is that i NEVER have to clean a whole bathroom in one day. i might clean a toilet or wash the mirror. or maybe i'll scrub the tub...but not all together. small chunks. manageable chunks.

saturday and sunday are semi-free days. you always have your everyday chores. there is even pampering and hobby time built in.

it appeals to me, checking the boxes, seeing my progress. has given me space, relieved some guilt and helped me be a better mom - i think. so i share it with you. it's not for everyone i'm sure. but it is working for me. you can find it at www.motivatedmoms.com

i have to start somewhere

my life seems to be barreling forward. like i'm on a train and i can't stop the forward motion. i'm looking at everything that's whizzing by me, wishing i had more time to savor. at the end of the day yesterday i said to matt, 'we have to slow down'. but neither of us had an idea as to how to do it.

i've wanted to record so many things here. wanted to put them down. but my time seems to be so filled up. the days so full of so many different things. no excuse though, i need to make this a priority.

we're down to just a few short weeks before school starts. isaiah will be attending the school matt teaches at. it is a classical school that is a home-schooling hybrid. i will teach him at home three days a week and two days a week he'll go to school and be in a classroom. we are so grateful and thankful that he will be attending this school. we are hopeful for all that this year will hold for him.

all that goodness aside, i find myself in astonishment and in a bit of saddness that our free days of toddler-hood are coming to a close. our days will no longer be filled up with whatever we plan to do. our rhythm will be determined by school. i know i shouldn't be, but i'm surprised at how quickly this all came. and i'm having to get used to the fact that i'm a mother of a school aged child.

isaiah's been playing baseball all summer.

it's coach pitch and he's playing one age group up with 6-8 year olds. it's been really fun to watch him play. the girls and i are his biggest fans and they unfortunately have learned from me how to cheer. yeah, his cheering section is really loud. alaythia can hold her own. although one time, in the middle of an inning she called out to him over and over and when he didn't respond, she just blurted, 'make sure to see if i can get a snack after the game too!'

the older kids are in swimming lessons right now, and i'm thrilled.

i think might get more joy out of it than them. for some reason giving them swim lessons makes me feel like a 'real' parent. strange how certain things make you feel that way. they love their teacher 'miss jessica'. so much so that they have named several toys and dolls after her.

we had an amazing 2+ weeks with grandparents. gg came out first and then grandma and grandpa. we were spoiled and were acutely reminded of the joy it is to be with family. endless games of candyland, park trips, eating out, water parks and bike rides. we are blessed to have the family we do.