a measurable day

half way done.

and all the way done.

since moving into this house the yard has been a huge undertaking. it's a typical rental house. the yard has been neglected for years. i'm no gardener, but a good friend is, and i come from a woman with a deep love for gardening and dirt. and i can feel it rising up in me. with sarah helping me along and mom cheering me on, i am slowly starting to enjoy it.

trimming these bushes in the 90 degree heat (plus humidity) was a joy. not because i loved doing it, but because it was measurable. i saw where i started and saw immediately the difference i was making. it felt SO GOOD to do it. measurable, done. it was amazing how fulfilled i felt today. like i had really accomplished something.

and i started to wonder why i don't feel like this most days.

oh how different i feel with mothering. often i can't see see the difference i make on a day to day basis. i wake up to the same whining. i mediate the same bickering. i correct the same disobedience. the laundry is never done, the kitchen never stays clean. i fall into bed at night to wake up and do it all over again the next day. i know deep in me that what i'm doing is making a difference, but i sure wish i could see it like i did in my bushes today.

what i do with my kids is amazingly more significant and important. but i don't feel fulfilled most days. most days i feel defeated. i find myself longing for the bush analogy to burn on my heart. to look at my kids faces and know even if i can't see it, there is measurable progress. i am making a difference, although i can't see it as clearly as i did today in the yard.



oh yeah, and this is the other thing i did today.