could it be?

during a trip this summer i was faced with the reality that matt and i aren't in the newlywed stage of love. might seem like i should know that since we've been married for 6 years, but it was a huge revelation none the less.

we were with a couple that isn't married yet, but on the verge of engagement. nothing else in the world could keep them from being totally enthralled with each other. deep looks...touching at every moment. put in proximity to them i realized how far from that matt and i are.

we have other things....two kids for example. between diapers and feeding, books and games, we're lucky if we get two sentences in uninterrupted. sure they are a product of our love...but oh to have enough energy to be totally enthralled.

one night when we fell into bed i started to lament to matt how we don't have that 'infatuation love' any more. he didn't seem as concerned as i was. he said we have a 'mature' love.

oh great. mature love, whatever that is. i think i rather prefer infatuation.

(for those laughing hysterically at my 6 year mature love....yes, i know. but it's all relative right?)

so yesterday we went to the park with some new friends. we've gotten together several times, but we're still in the newsy part of getting to know each other. i asked her how long she had been married, how they met. then it was my turn. 'we got reacquainted in college, went to meals together once a week. he was into me, but we didn't start dating until half way through our junior year.' she asked what changed in my mind when we were juniors. 'he was in a singing group preaching in churches, he led a missions trip to the phillippines, i left our lunches encouraged in the Lord, he just seemed more confident.'

as i was telling about my early reservations and revelations about matt, there was isaiah standing not 3 feet from me. his brown long, sweaty hair, part standing on end, part matted to his forehead from running. his big brown eyes were half watching me, half watching a little boy play baseball. his chubby sausage fingers, tie-died shirt and camo crocks.....beautiful.

there was matt's son right before me. more amazingly OUR son.

i don't have much time these days to think about the early stages of my relationship with matthew. but yesterday in the midst of explanation i started to doubt that was ever me. that those were ever my thoughts about matt. the father of my children, the man i love so deeply.

i laughed at myself. oh what i felt then and what i feel now. those things i thought, wrestled with, so petty, so insignificant. especially in light of all that life is now. in light of who matthew is, in light of our children.....

could it be that my love has matured?