not just any commercial

check out this commercial that andrew (matt's youngest brother) filmed a couple months back... every time i watch it i just have to laugh in amazement! it's so professional!

twin cousins

most of the time they are fighting. if one has a toy, the other wants it. they spend more time playing with each other's toys, than their own. just about all the time, one of them is crying because the other took the toy they were playing with. but this, this was a rare moment of happiness that i must share.

guess what mommy got for christmas??

that's right, i got a new digital camera.
there will be lots of new movies for you to see.
for now, here's some of alaythia playing with her tea set and isaiah coming in the picture with his new raiders uniform, minus the helmet.
merry christmas!

here are some of my favorite pics so far

i'm an auntie you know...and i love it!

michael and hallie...the newlyweds...are isaiah's favorite people right now. mommy, daddy, papa, gg - doesn't matter. michael and hallie trump everyone!

papa and gg had a surprise for us tonight...a limo ride for the 13 of us to go look at christmas lights. it was such a fantastic memory, martinelli's, toasting and carols.

uncle matt and auntie laura were putting the babies to the ceiling and 'hanging' them there. they LOVED it!

this is all the siblings with their significant others...we're used to michael and andrew hugging each other for pictures. now, they each have women of their own!

me and my kiddos in front of the fire and christmas tree. we were on our own for the first few days, but daddy is here now and we're so glad!

gg and her girl.

isaiah and his auntie.

it's time to come clean

i've obviously not been as faithful to this as i have been in the past. and don't think it don't know it. it weighs on me. but if i'm honest i'm a bit scared...a bit like deer caught in headlights. i'm unable to do it.

here's why. it feels like over the past few months there has been this crescendo of interest in the blog. strangers, people that i barely know, people i know well, all saying they read faithfully. some say i should write a book. some talk about this story or that story. 'that was so creative!' 'how did you think of that?'

the other day i got a phone call from someone (who shall remain unnamed) and the first words out of their mouth were, 'you need to post! stop doing what your doing and put something cute and creative on there!' now i know they were joking, but it really did freak me out.

i never set out to be funny, or creative, or a writer. because i am none of those things. it's a fluke if any of those things happened. so now i'm paralyzed. afraid to be caught, afraid the truth will come out. so i shy away.

the reality is i live a very ordinary life, although with extra-ordinary people. and i never want this blog to become something that is mustered up, trying to 'be' something. i just wanted it to be my life. i haven't felt it would be authentic in this past month, so i shied away. i fight my own dragons. it's not because of comments, it's me. and i'm trying to overcome.

but i do feel it rising up in me again. a desire to share, thoughts to tell you about. unhindered by the thought that i must be anything else but myself.

not like everything else

the church that we became members of last week, (yes it's official) put out an advent CD this year. if you want something new you can check it out here. this is a breath of fresh air for me. we sang some of them in church today. all i have to say is 'what child is this'. amazing.

also, there's even a way to download it for free...it's pretty self explanatory, so i'll let you explore how to do it.

just in case you don't believe me

this may look like an ordinary piece of luggage to you. nice shape, svelte black color and nice straps to hold other pieces of luggage...no, it's much more.

one morning isaiah came running out to the kitchen and said, 'mom! you have GOT to come see where your daughter is hiding!' yes, this is one of his favorite ways to refer to alaythia or anyone really. i have to see 'what my husband' did, or 'my father' or 'my brother'.

so i follow him into our bedroom and begin my search. it's quiet and still. i listen for 'my daughter' and hear nothing...silence. aahh, a sweet sound -- and yet before i'm able to fully take in the moment -- i'm overcome with alaythia's ability to remain so still and quiet.

i look in all the usual spots and when all other options are exhausted, i walk over to our walk in closet, (that serves as storage). i see nothing, only the recently unloaded luggage sitting at the front.

and then, she pops out and growls.


i'm thrilled. exuberant. proud. laughing and clapping.

she's amazing!

(i didn't take the picture right then, i made her go back in while i grabbed the camera. she was all to happy to oblige.)

there's something about this place

i swear the things that have happened to me since being in kentucky...well i should write a book. well, it's not enough for a book so i'll write a blog.

i am a competent, organized, administrative woman. i'm not super woman or mom by any stretch of the means, but i can get things done. and usually get them done efficiently. but something about this place...crazy things keep happening to me and to the things around me.

like my refrigerator door just falling completely off the hinges one morning, going to costco and my debit card strangely not working while i wait to pay for hundreds of dollars of goods. (it never did work and i left crying. and yes there was money in the bank!) or picking up prescriptions for the family, and having isaiah's bottle fall out of the little drive thru dispenser. i couldn't open my door because of the cement bars, so i pulled forward only to realize that i had run over his entire bottle of medicine. or pulling out into the street only to find that my only two choices were to run over the cement median or drive into oncoming traffic.

i really did believe that i was capable, but the happenings of the past few months (and days) are leaving me with the sneaking suspicion that i might not be as put together as i thought i was.

a lame attempt at catch up

this should probably be 14 different posts...but i'm behind, and there are way to many things rolling around in my head! i must get rid of them.

funny sayings:
-isaiah said totally sincerely to alaythia right after she got dressed in a fancy puffy sleeved shirt... 'alaythia, you look as beautiful as a football player!'
-isaiah's best bud sammy came over one afternoon to play. they spent most of their time screaming and running through the house. but isaiah wanted to play duck-duck-goose. sam was insistant that he wanted to be the first 'ducker', but isaiah also was sure he wanted to. so isaiah just went for it. when he got to sam he patted him on the head and said, 'duck'. sam immediately responded while shaking his fists, 'i am not a duck! i am a man!'

things i realized anew:
-airports are not made for children, although i see a lot of them around and in them. and i wonder...why are they ignored?
-i tend to romanticize things in my head. i had built up the northwest so much since i'd been gone. it is a wonderful place, full of people that i love...but i am good at expanding the truth.
-it was good to be home and be with family and friends. but it was also good to be home to realize that's not where we belong. that last year in the northwest we spent so much time waiting to hear from schools...so much time not moving forward. but in kentucky, as hard as it's been, we are moving forward. in fact, as of today, we're done with our first semester!
-i am so proud of matthew and the path he's on. i love what he's doing with his life, that he had a dream and is going for it. i love that we have a clear idea of what we're supposed to be about...and we're doing it.
-i live far, far away from just about everyone i know...even flying on a plane, it takes me ALL DAY to get either to them, or home.

p.s. i promise i'll be better at this...sorry for the hiatus.

not too bad...

we're here. although today is the first day that i feel like i can really think. the past 2 days have been trying to survive. where i am i? what time is it? i'm tired.

the kids did marvelously. really, really stepped up. but a 3 and half hour layover in an airport, the last leg...well, why do they not make airports just a LITTLE more kid friendly? they were being kids, but it had been 13 hours of travel by then so mommy was a bit at the end. they weren't being terrible, but it was just everything coming to a head.

we flew a little tiny plane on our last leg. alaythia was done and she was kicking and screaming and flailing. we hadn't even taken off and people were already pissed at me. (please be kind to people flying with children). i broke and started to cry. isaiah, he's very sensitive, and he wasn't screaming, but normal tone for a 3 year old is pretty loud on a plane.

'mommy! why are you crying! what's wrong?!' i quickly got it together because the embarrassement quickly over took the feeling of being at my end.

it was an adventure, and we did have fun together...but i'm glad daddy will be with us on the way home!

5-4-3-2-1

tomorrow i will:

be in 5 different states.

in 4 different airports.

on 3 different planes.

with 2 children.

all by myself - 1!

words fall short

sundays are typically hard days. i miss imago dei, i miss being with people i know. we try to adjust to a new church and most sundays i feel like we go and pretend we fit in. pretend we belong there.

but today i'm afraid, we might have turned a corner. we might have crossed the threshold from attending, to belonging... a couple things happened today. alaythia got moved to a new class that she loves (no tears), and we served the body.

as a group of believers, sojourn takes communion every sunday. we have come to love and crave this and it was one of the things that attracted us to sojourn initially. they do it differently than we have been used to. they have people standing at different spots throughout the auditorium, one holding bread and the other holding juice and wine. you file past the people and take.

we were asked to help serve communion this morning. and it will be a morning i will never forget and will try to put words to it.

it was my privilege to hold the bread, matt stood beside me with the juice and wine. as each person approached and ripped a piece of bread off the loaf i looked into their eyes and said, 'this is the body of Christ, broken for you.' i'll admit when i first started attending it caught me off guard, but over the weeks i have come to appreciate this. the proclamation, the reminder, as i partake.

but this morning, as i looked people in the eye, proclaimed the truth of what was being offered, felt them rip and tug...again and again and again... the reality of it, the enormity of it. the people of God, Christ followers, looking in their eyes, understanding their joy, feeling the weight...

i held back a well of tears. i praised Jesus, the Savior of the world for his mighty work. i spoke louder, i proclaimed the gospel to my brothers and sisters. yes, take... it cost so much, it's all we have. this is the body of Christ, broken for you.

and when they were all served, i turned and took for myself. went back to my seat and disintegrated.

what a mighty, loving, faithful, powerful God i serve. i pray that you also understand what a mighty deed he did for us on the cross.

yes, yes she did

'whoa dog' has been a part of my vocabulary since college i think. as i was putting alaythia to bed a couple days ago, her baby doll fell out of her hands. 'whoa dog!' she exclaimed... did my one and half year old daughter just say 'whoa dog?' yes, yes she did.

when there is a captive audience, a lot like how i was when i was little, alaythia will perform. sing, dance...put on shows. she's started already. singing and dancing with the microphone in hand, twisting and twirling for all who will watch. did my one and a half year old daughter just sing and dance and then ask to watch the movie of it when she was done? yes, yes she did.

matt has been trying to get up early in the morning to study. i think alaythia can sense when he wakes up early. she rises early with him too. isaiah got up an hour or so later and while he was eating breakfast and matt was on the couch, alaythia quitely went around the corner. isaiah called for her several times, she didn't answer, no toys were clinking. matt started calling for her...nothing. finally matt decided that he needed to find her. so he got up and just as he turned around the corner out she ran from the dark bathroom 'RRRROOOAAARR!' did my one and a half year old daughter just wait silently in a dark bathroom only to run out and scare someone? yes, yes she did.

i'll admit, for a long time i didn't want a girl, cause i didn't want a little me...but come to find out, it's pretty fun having another female in the house who loves what i love. don't get me wrong, i don't want her to be ALL like me...but so far, it's been fun!

things we've learned...

...weejsh means starfish. one of alaythia's mystery words has been discovered through much determination from her auntie laura. now to find out what shook means.
...boys will be boys. running, slamming their bodies onto the couch, bed or floor. chasing each other, or having paper towel wars with every roll in the house. alaythia in the mean time, wants to put on make-up or play with her baby doll.
...living life with other mother's of young kids is sharpening. it's good because you get ideas, you see into someone elses world and take the good things that you see. it's bad because as mother's (laura and i both confessed to this at one point) we compare. my kid doesn't do this, i should do that, she's doing it better than me.
...laura is a great friend. it's not something i've 'learned' during this trip, just been reminded of...again.
...it only takes a second to send us flying back to college years. one late night laura and i found ourselves hysterically laughing in the dark...just like in college...except there was 3 babies around us that we were trying to be quiet for. not my strong suit - as college roommates will give testimony to.

cousins

ooohhh auntie laura and caleb are here!

brother and sister reading with their kids...GG aren't you proud?

when you can't be on the real drum set...improvise!


after dinner we didn't know where caleb and alaythia were.
isaiah informed us that there was 'something' in the blinds.
we found them both behind the blinds and at that moment caleb popped his head out and said, 'kisses!'

we're having fun!

no chains required

i got a call from my sister-in-law on tuesday. she was out of breath and the first words out of her mouth were...'now don't get your hopes up.' not a good way to start out, i do just the opposite.

her husband is a wizard. he can find anything, cheaper, faster and more efficiently than anyone i have ever come in contact with. she is off work for a week...unexpectedly...and he found a good deal to get her out to kentucky.

a few hours later she called and barely squeaked out, 'I'M COMING TO SEE YOU!'

my kids watched with wide eyes as i screamed, jumped and squealed back, 'ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!'

laura and caleb arrive today. it wasn't even enough time to make a chain. and they'll stay for a week.

i'll admit, i've been down. i'm trying to stay afloat. it's a battle. moment by moment. God is good in his timing, in his abundance...allowing laura and caleb to come and be with us.

and thanks wizard, for working your magic. giving of your money, time and them. we are oh so very grateful.

electric election day

matt woke up musing about the day. before i was even coherent he was talking about how to get to our voting place and how the day would crawl just waiting for the results. i tried to roll my eyes, but honestly was to tired.

we made voting a family affair. once i did rouse myself (by having 2 cups of coffee) we all piled in the van.

i couldn't help but think of where i was 4 years ago - the last time i was voting for the president. i was in southern california, working full time as a real estate broker. i was pregnant with isaiah and matt didn't even have his first master's degree. wow...so much has changed in 4 years. two moves, two kids and two master degrees later...i vote again.

i loved that we were going as a family, i felt so patriotic. even though some of the people that were walking in and out of the building, i'm sure, believe very different than me, i felt connected with them. together, with these people who took time out of their day to vote...together, we are deciding, and together we'll face the results of what we said we wanted.

i love that isaiah got to see the culmination of all the talking and reading. he had lots of questions for us as we walked to the building. he wanted to sign his name to the book, he wanted to go in the booth with us.

as we have talked and wrestled through out this political season, so has isaiah. sometimes he has wanted the candidate we want, sometimes he hasn't. as strongly as matt feels about it, i was so proud of matt for letting isaiah take a different view than us. for showing isaiah that he can think for himself and think different than his mom and dad, maybe even teachig us a thing or two.

today, not that unusually, we got schooled by our three year old.

as i was taking my turn in the voting booth isaiah continued on with his questions, at one point asking matt what 'voting' is. matt answered that voting is picking who we want to be our leaders. isaiah took it in, paused for a while and then said, 'dad, why do we need to pick more leaders when Jesus already is our leader?'

yes isaiah, today maybe more than yesterday, it's good to be reminded what really matters...who really is in charge.

hookah, shook, weejsh and 'stu'

nothing like having someone else around to point out the weirdness of 'every day' life. here's some favorite events of our time with grandma:

-grandma came bearing gifts. as we're in the van driving home she pulled out something for both isaiah and alaythia. for alaythia it was a little key chain that said, 'special sister'. because we all know we'll NEVER find anything with her name on it. for the next 10 minutes, i kid you not, she looked at it, then looked at grandma and said, 'shit! ... shit!' grandma stared with wide eyes and matt and i laughed hysterically and shrugged our shoulders. who knows what she was really trying to say. but every time she looks at the key chain she says it.

-it was such great weather that we went to a bunch of different parks. at one park there was another boy slightly older than isaiah that quickly became his friend. they ran and chased and laughed all over the park. to our surprise when we got close enough to hear what they were talking about, we found that the boy was calling isaiah 'stu'. come to find out, when the boy asked isaiah what his name was he told him 'stu'. who the heck knows where he heard that name, and why in the world he wanted to be called it. but for about an hour and a half, isaiah was 'stu'.

-we have yet to figure out what it means, but out of the blue alaythia will pop off with (in this order), 'shook!' pause, wait for someone to repeat it. then 'weejsh'. we have NO IDEA what it means or what the heck she's referring to.

-we were trying to be adventurous and try a new restaurant to eat at because to be honest, we're chain people...so in an effort to break free we went to a street that is filled with smaller places. grandma, the kids and i walked up and down the street checking out each place we came to. we even walked into one, got seated at a table and decided to leave because it was just too nice for kids. so after walking for quite a while, and becoming hungrier by the second, we thought we found one that looked promising. we walked up, turned the handle to walk in but quickly turned back around to leave when we saw people smoking from large pipes at the center of the tables... come to find out, we were trying to take the kids to a hookah lounge for lunch!

when she's around

it's like a sugar high...but now we're crashing. all of us. except it wasn't food, it was grandma.

it was a fantastic trip. and for the record...i cried.

the only thing lacking was grandpa. the kids ran to grandma in the airport and alaythia, after hugging for a while said, 'ga-pa?' holding her hands out in question. she walked over, bent over and looked through the gate where grandma had just come from. 'ga-pa go?' we all stood, not really sure what to say. grandpa is in vietnam right now. and if you feel so inclined you could pray for him. he is in hanoi, the city that is completely flooded. their plans have been changed, they spent a day moving orphans out of an orphanage whose first floor was completely flooded. he's safe, as near as we can tell.

after days in the 40's, the sun warmed us to low 70's. we went to parks, we swam, we ate, we watched movies. each day didn't have a plan, but it worked out perfectly in the end. snuggling in the morning, kisses at night. i wish we could say we got 'our fill'. i don't think it's possible.

but i'm not sure if i like it. is it better to just stay away and forget what it's like? or be together, remember how you are when she's around. grounded, loved, taken care of. and then feel the ripping when she leaves again.

i like who i am when she's around.

for now, another chain. counting the days 'til we can be together again.

just like the rest

blogs all over the world will be filled with halloween pictures... mine will be no different.

isaiah had his authentic astronaut suit and we just couldn't pass it up. he got lots of comments on how 'real' he looked. yeah, it's from the kennedy space center.... (thanks again uncle steve!)


alaythia's auntie rosemary sewed her outfit. alaythia loves june and talks about her all the time and carries her june doll around everywhere. so i mentioned in passing that i would love to be able to sew so she could have an outfit. rosemary volunteered and yes, it was her very first attempt at an outfit...and it was fabulous! she obviously didn't have access to alaythia and yet, when grandma brought it with her, we found that it fit like a glove. a glove i tell you. it won't fit next week. but it fit today!

came with red ballet shoes up the calf and all. our happy girl and her june doll. thanks auntie rose!

we went trick or treating and the kids loved it. alaythia could not believe she was being given candy...isaiah got it and ran as fast as he could to the next house. we even got a family photo since grandma was along to snap one!

12 hours and 3 planes

she coming! she's coming today. the week has been S-L-O-W-L-Y creeping by. what else matters with grandma is coming?!?!

the chain has no more links. the house is in the throws of being cleaned. and the kids sleep...because they were told they couldn't go to the airport to pick her up if they didn't sleep a long time.

i bet i'll cry. i KNOW she'll cry. and the kids will go wild. wild i tell you. she won't see the real isaiah and alaythia for days...

just the two of us

it was date day in the godshall house. a couple weeks ago when we were at story hour at the library, we had visitors from a theater. they had a drawing of everyone that was there...and we won! i've never won anything like that. we got two tickets to see the children's play they were putting on, 'alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day'. i love how God works, just 3 days before we won the tickets we had gotten the book box from papa and gg, and that book was enclosed!

so this morning isaiah woke up ready to go, we had built it up so much and made such a big deal about he and mommy going on a 'date' together. and it lived up to our expectations. we got breakfast in the theatre, and stayed at our table to watch the play. we were in the front, dead center. isaiah sat the entire time, laughing, singing and shouting at all the appropriate times.

he is so grown up. we had so much fun just being the two of us...i think i might have to make it a tradition. unfortunately i don't have any pictures to show you, BECAUSE I FORGOT THE CAMERA AT HOME!

but that actually worked out to our benefit.

matt decided to take advantage of his 'date' time with alaythia. and i'm sorry, but what you're about to read will make you love matthew forever...if you don't already.

he dug through our unpacked boxes and found a tea set that alaythia had been given a while back. he set out a blanket on the floor, invited all alaythia's friends, (annie, june, meesh and baby doll) and put on a tea party. they had 'milk-tea' and 'water-tea', grapes and cheese. matt said that alaythia looked so amazingly cute as she rose her tea cup to her lips and drank. can you see it, matthew sitting on floor on a blanket with his daughter and all her beloved 'friends', drinking milk out of the tiniest tea cup you can imagine? i'm glad that i was where i was this morning, but there's a part of me that wished i could have witnessed it.

yep, alaythia's first tea party was given by her dad, just the two of them, his very own idea. and BY THE GRACE OF GOD the camera was at home because i had forgotten it.

imago dei community where are you?

i know where you are. happily snuggled in - in portland, oregon, 2500 miles away. revving up for advent conspiracy, for celebrating Jesus, worshiping different and loving the city. within the walls that you meet in, a home that is not your own, sit so many of the people i love. oh, i miss you.

i loved being a part. i loved living life. i was thankful. it came so easy...

i'm trying to find a church to replace you...as much as i want to believe that if listen to podcasts every week i still can be a part of you...

but it's so hard. i knew it would be.

i KNEW it would be...

and yet, it came so easy. maybe deep down i hoped it would come easy again, but it hasn't. i'm unsettle, frustrated, lonely, irritated. i want peace, instead of a constant pushing to 'make it okay'.

i've tasted real community. i can't go back. as much as i try to convince myself i'm okay and i don't really need it.

i didn't take you for granted. i knew what i had was unique, i knew the sweetness. i just miss it, and i'm beginning to think that replicating it is going to be impossible.

i shouldn't be shocked

you'd think with your second you'd be more used to the events that occur through out the day. but i am coming to realize that alaythia is oh so very different from isaiah.

she likes to take her baby doll and give it a bath, sing to it, feed it. isaiah wants to wrestle and play 'save the princess'. alaythia could care less about reading books when food is around. isaiah will give up just about anything to read. and the list goes on.

recently, i've been so surprised by alaythia's desire to write on EVERYTHING she sees. isaiah never once drew on the wall, or anything that he wasn't supposed to. i found a collection of markers as i was unpacking a box a few days ago. i mistakenly left them out, only to find alaythia scribbling on a stool, our desk and even the kitchen table. i'm shocked. i know i shouldn't be, but i am.

i never put any locks on any of kitchen cabinets with isaiah. he knew which ones were his, and he stayed out of the other ones. it was more a result of living in someone else's house than out of conviction. regardless, i haven't done it here for alaythia either. the other day, i found this:

the love of a father

daddy worked hard all weekend so he decided to spend some time with us on monday. i'm a sucker for the 'traditional' things and a pumpkin patch ranks right up there... so he indulged me and happily took the family over an hour to visit one. yes, an hour into indiana. but i think we'd all say it was worth it. tremendously overpriced, but worth it.

there was a huge barn slide. it looks like alaythia is just sitting there, but in fact, she was just getting to the end in this picture. fearless.

we rode a tractor out to feed some animals.

we ate homemade ice cream in a 50's soda shop.

we even got to pick pumpkins. and while the pictures are the majority of the reason i want to go to a pumpkin patch, we went with our camera just about out of battery. so we had to act fast, thus resulting in not a very good fall picture...but we'll keep trying.


the best part of the day for me actually had nothing to do with pumpkins. in an effort to pump as much money out of you as possible the farm had bounce houses and blow up slides. you'd think we would have had enough of these, but the frequency of them only increases our desire. they were charging a buck for each turn. adults included. ridiculous. anyway, we walked over to the bounce house and there was no attendant, so isaiah jumped in. and we worked our way on down. no one there, so we just went for it, counting the dollars we were saving as we went.

the last bouncy thing was a train obstacle course. we were a bit on edge anyway because, let's face it, matt and i are not the rebellious type. so isaiah charges up the wall and goes down the other side. all of the sudden we hear 'daddy! daddy!' in a blood curdling tone. i've never seen matt move so fast. if i wasn't half panicked i would have laughed till i cried. i do now actually recounting it. matt tore off his shoes, dove in through the netting, and as he's cascading the wall he's yelling, 'i'm coming! i'm coming isaiah!' turns out there was a reason there wasn't an attendant to take our money and an even better reason why we weren't supposed to be on those things. pools of water at the bottom, so as he came to the end isaiah fell in and got sopping wet. he freaked.

he and matt come around the corner, matt rolling his eyes and chuckling as i'm rolling by now, because i see that nothing's wrong. ahh, the love of a father for a son. matt's is like none i've ever seen before.

popeyes

there is a lot about the south that we're still getting used to. (did you know that most businesses still close or have reduced hours on sunday?) but the language continues to provide the most challenge. the other day my neighbor was trying to say boiled, and i thought she was saying bald. it took us a while to communicate. (a lot like 'harp' for the english, shout out ht!)

the kids seem to pick up on it much quicker than we do. an annual routine at our daily play-outside-time, is for one of the families to provide popsicles. popsicles, now you'd think that would be something with not much variation. but here they are called 'popeyes'. i've gotten used to this saying, matt however hasn't as he's not around doing play-outside-time. (or 'the party' as isaiah refers to it.)

one night matt was outside playing with the kids and the neighbors joined them. all of the sudden a neighbor came out and said, 'kids, would you like some popeyes?' isaiah immediately dropped what he was doing and ran to the other end of the building as fast as he could. the 3 girls behind him. matt had NO IDEA what popeyes were or why the kids would be so excited.

he snapped this picture of them enjoying their treat.**as you will see, isaiah is pointing out or explaining something. this is something he does incessantly! he spends more time talking about what he's going to do, than actually doing it. as you will also notice, his popeye is not eaten, while the girl's are just about done....

apple party

i wish i had come up with a better name...but i didn't. i'm not creative you see, i steal. like how to do birthday parties and which is the best brand and how to cook. why figure it out yourself when someone else already did? so i confess, i bluff my way through.

so gg sent a big box of books a couple weeks ago, and i mean a BOX. (thanks papa and gg for feeding our reading addiction, it would not be what it is today, with out you!) there were several fall books included. one was 'apples, apples, apples'. very cute book about bunnies who go apple picking and then it has them come home and do all these fun activites with the apples. it was supposed to thunderstorm on thursday, so we invited our neighbors over for an apple party.

we used the recipe in the book to make our very own applesauce.
we used the cores of the apples to stamp with paint.


we sang an apple song (music and lyrics included in book).
we played with fall leaves.


and we ate our applesauce.

it was a fun party and i'm thinking about making it an annual event...maybe next year step it up a notch with actual apple picking and then coming home. who knows!

adam, always leading

my little brother is always on the cutting edge. even though he's the youngest, he's always lead us as siblings somehow. and here i thought i was cool for having a blog. he's created his own website with so many cool things. he and emily have blogs, pictures, videos...

you can check out snapshots of their life here.

enjoy!

have you called your mother lately?

my internet has been shotty all week. it will be the same way next week. makes blogging not so fun. i typed this email out to someone late one night, and i'm cheating and posting it, cause i don't know how long i'll be able to be online.
---
as i was just laying in bed trying to fall asleep my mind wandered to the bed time routine tonight. i'm always struck with how much i love my kids at bed time. maybe cause they're going to go to bed, and i know my day is almost done. or maybe cause they're clean and smell good. i don't know.

i had the urge to grab isaiah and hold him like a baby. looking into his face and feeling his body on me, i realized how big he was. not a hint of baby anywhere, not even toddler. boy, big boy looks were staring back at me. and i got this frantic feeling. like he was growing up to fast.

i've felt that basically since he was born, but tonight felt different. frantic, desperate, wanting time to stop. as i held him, i asked him if we would always be friends, actually i think i wanted to make him promise we'd always be friends. he replied matter of factly that we couldn't be, because he would have a wife someday. the breath was stolen out of me. when i could breath again, i quickly told him that even though he would have a wife, we could still be friends...it makes me want to bawl just recounting it.

the reality is, i'll lose him one day. he'll grow up and not need me, not want my attention at every moment. he'll love another woman, and he'll spend his life with her. and i'll be the one sitting and wishing he'd call.

when he went to brush his teeth i grabbed alaythia, sure she'd want me. but she squirmed and wiggled and i could only get a quick kiss in. and i thought of the fact that she'll probably hate me for most of her growing up years. that's how most mothers and daughters work...how sad. my heart hurts.

motherhood sucks. it really does. giving all of yourself, all of your energy. struggling to die to yourself everyday to make them prosper. if you do it right, they do prosper and then, one day, your kids will leave and you'll be left alone.

the really sucky thing is that in this moment i think about all the time i wasted today not looking in their faces, not paying attention to them, not playing and making memories. i worried about laundry and vacuuming and emails. i worried about makeup and getting there on time.

screw it. my time is so short. and i'm sad tonight, thinking about the reality of them leaving and not wanting or needing me anymore.

check it out

perspective, yet again

i just finished the book 'sacred parenting' by gary thomas. dare i say, it is a must read. it's up there on my top 5 list. it's not a how-to book, rather, 'how raising children shapes our souls'.

i borrowed it from my dad several years ago and attempted to go through it with a mom's group i was a part of. but 5 babies later, we never finished it. i picked it back up when we got to kentucky and i am not sorry that i did. i am reading highlighted parts to matt each night, as i believe he MUST hear some of these things.

as i finished the book, i did so in tears. and i can't shake what he said. it's changed my parenting drastically. he made the mundane God ordained, and made me respect my children more. in what i do for them, how i treat them. for they are God's delight.

listen --

--

'For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me. -Matthew 25:35-36

Who gets hungrier than a newly awakened baby, eagerly searching out her mother's breasts? Who is more naked than a recently born child? Who is more a stranger than an infant who comes into this world knowing no one? Who gets sick more often than a little one, who seems inclined toward ear infections, diaper rash, and colic?

When a mother welcomes a child into the world, feeding her and giving her drink and clothing her and holding her when she gets sick (and, at least with the first child, boiling the pacifier when it drops to the floor, and rushing her to the emergency room when her temperature reaches 99.5), she is doing exactly what Jesus tells us will be most rewarded in heaven.

"But how can caring for your own child result in a heavenly reward?" some might ask. "Surely Jesus didn't mean that, did he?"

People who ask such a question don't understand that the children we raise, ultimately speaking, are not ours. God creates each child, and he has such a deep, passionate love for every boy and girl that he never misses a single event in their life: "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me" (Matthew 25:40).....

Mothers and fathers, when you give your tiny infant a bath, you are washing God's baby. Pause a moment in your busy day and look up to heaven. When you minister to that youngster, can you imagine God smiling down at you? When you fix that hungry six-year-old a peanut butter sandwich, you are feeding one of God's children. Listen carefully - you may hear God laughing in pleasure. When you hug an adolescent whom others have teased mercilessly at school, you are comforting God's teenager. Are those God's tears dampening your shoulder?

In the process of caring and loving, you bring God great pleasure. At that very moment you become his provision, his comfort, his passion. Learn to swim in that joy, and you will never look at parenting the same way again.

You could have rejected this child. You could have spurned the demands on your time, your resources, and your emotional well being. But instead you accepted this child, through great pain you gave birth to this child, and with even greater pain you make daily sacrifices to love this child. Your heavenly Father doesn't miss a second of this sacrifice. He sees it all. He cries with you and he laughs with you and he takes great joy in the good work you are doing.

--

i imagine God looking down at every moment now, taking even more joy in isaiah and alaythia than i do. i want to steward the gifts he's given me well. i want to bask in the joy, and the responsibility, that he's entrusted to me -- two of his children, who he loves so passionately. and it makes me think twice as i get angry or frustrated, they are not mine, they are God's. and he doesn't miss a second....

indulge

on sunday morning, the moment isaiah woke up, he announced that it was happy feet's birthday. he talked all about it, about how happy feet was feeling, what we were going to do that day. it's not the first time it's been happy feet's birthday. but it was the first time i felt like indulging isaiah and his made up world.

our neighbor had come over a few weeks earlier and found happy feet on the couch. she picked it up, looked at him in discust and offered her child the 'cat toy'. i know, the audacity! i know it must have shown all over my face how offended i was. i quickly looked to isaiah to see if he was okay. he was. and i said, 'cat toy!? oh, that is not a cat toy, that is our beloved happy feet, who sleeps with isaiah every afternoon and night and who also serves as isaiah's alter ego.' 'yeah but look at him!' she said. 'he's the velveteen rabbit to us, he's real' i said.

i was surprised by my reaction. i was surprised at how strongly i felt for the fred meyer purchase. i'm sure that played into why i decided to throw happy feet a birthday party.

we all baked cupcakes, martin style. the kids each got a spoon and at one point, after licking her spoon clean, alaythia dipped it into the batter again, not to stir, but to get more to eat! isaiah decorated the cupcakes and we waited for all the neighbors to wake up from their naps. we invited them to come down to a birthday party for happy feet and asked them to bring their favorite stuffed animal. some asked if they could bring their camera, others asked if we were serious.

i tried not to care if they thought i was crazy for doing it. i wanted to do it - for isaiah. so pushing through my insecurity, after all they don't know me that well. they don't know if i do this every week for my kids, have pretend birthday parties.... anyway, we sang happy birthday, had cupcakes, juice boxes and played, in honor of our beloved happy feet. and i was glad we did it.


p.s. jess and polly, i have not forgotten about the honor you have bestowed on me...i will do it. and i'm grateful for it!

they have each other

i absolutely love watching isaiah and alaythia interact. as alaythia gets older and is able to communicate and do more, their relationship only deepens. it really is the joy of my life to watch them together.

they love to wrestle together. isaiah has NO IDEA how good he has it in alaythia as a sister. she's tough as nails and will give it right back to him, even at 2 years his younger. sometimes he is trying to hurt her, but most times he's not. he's a boy who loves to be physical, and she's all to eager to join in and be physical back.

at night i hear them soothing each other. depending on the night one or the other might be having a hard time. sometimes i'll hear alaythia say, 'bo, mama bye bye. bo, mama bye bye.' as he cries she's saying, it's okay brother, mommy just went bye bye. or other times, when she's crying i hear isaiah pray for her and then sing to her to soothe her. isaiah pops his head over the bed and says, 'it's okay 'laythia, i'm right here, see!'

isaiah protects her from other friends that get to rough with her. she got bit the other day and isaiah rushed to her to see how she was and then went to the little boy and told him not to bite his sister. or alaythia's desire to comfort isaiah when he gets hurt. she'll walk over and rub his hair and give him a pat on the head.

or the countless times they'll crack each other up and be in their own world, laughing and being silly.

their love and enjoyment of each other is a blessing to me. it encourages me and strengthens me. that they have each other now, and will have each other always, is a true gift to me.

hot air balloon festival (part 1)

the past week has been a hard one. but we got a nice break last night when we learned that the 10th annual hot air balloon festival was going on.

you may think that all we do is go to carnivals and play. it's not all we do actually. but this was just 2 miles from our house and something i had googled before we moved here as attractions in the city. so last night we went with some neighbors to go check it out.there were large blow up slides.

cool things to ride.

isaiah in a race car. the most interesting thing to me about this... if you've seen the movie 'cars' you know that lightening mcqeen gets teased for having stickers for head lights. i learned last night, that's how real race cars are. i guess they don't have need for them since they race during the day or on a lit track. who knew!

it's a sucker....

alaythia's favorite mode of transportation.

enjoying some funnel cake!

ahh, love this picture.

the beautiful sunset of louisville, kentucky.